A day in the life of...

I May Be Down...

2005-08-20T16:08:00.000-07:00

But don't count me out! I'm still here - I ain't gone nowhere yet. Thanks for all the e-mails and comments yall. It makes me feel real good! I just wanted to jump in here to let yall know that The ChurchBoy ain't gone nowhere just yet!

A Little Vacation...

2005-08-03T14:42:00.000-07:00

Hey all - I want to give a quick shout out to all who normally reads (especially you silent readers that never comment...fuckers)! Hey, I need a little time off from here - I got some shit to sort out in my head. So many things have happened so quickly, I'm about to have a break down if I don't sit down and think through a bunch of stuff.

This past weekend hanging out w/all the East Coast bloggers was great - I had a chance to kick it with No4Real, Smiling DL, Merv, Stone, ShawnQT, GotNathan, Derick L. Briggs, and Larry Lyons II. It was a trip hanging out with them! Work is kicking my ass and I'll be out on business about 80% of this month...I'm trying to do Spoken Corner 3 - so be on the look out.

Other than that, you'll probably be able to catch me sometime in September...I'll be around - commenting and carrying on, so be on the look out!

Until We Meet Again,

The ChurchBoy

Indifferent...fucking indifferent!!!

2005-07-27T18:29:00.000-07:00

Hey, so how is everyone? It's hot than a muthafucker! Today is hump day and a nigga was busier than a Hebrew slave! Wait -I should probably use a different analogy. Um, let's see - oh, a nigga was busier than a bee making honey - lol. I can't get over everyone telling me I sound country - I really don't understand this. Okay, anyway - so let's see. My date with COMCAST was cute - but I did have a revelation during dinner...I don't like him. Well, how can I explain. Well, he picked me up and we drove to my new favorite place - fuck Op.rah - I have a new favorite place - lol. It's a little Italian bistro in the heart of NYC's Little Italy section. It's cute or whatever and the prices are relatively decent. There was a certain baby's daddy that I've been trying to get to that place, but - well - it ain't happened yet. And yet, he has the nerve to call me to make him some catfish...hmph!

Anyway, he picks me up and we drive over there. I checked out the way he was dressed - I guess it's typical east coast urban (and yea, there is a difference). But, he had too much going on for me. And as we were driving he did this pointing thing that really bothered me. Well, he was showing me some of the sites as we drive past, but it's the way his perfectly manicured hands did this little mannerism thing that well - was too much for me. I picked up the tab for the meal. We had antipasto for an appetizer - it had all the Italian favs like sun dried tomatoes, roasted red peppers, proscuitto, olives, buffalo mozzerella, provolone, etc. My entre was Chicken Parmisean and he had Rosemary Chicken & Peppers...I tasted his - it was good...it really was. Afterwards we went walking and we talked a little over some fire ass sorbet - and then it was back home I went. That was really it - I think the problem is this - he's has these slight feminine overtones - and he doesn't think he has them. Now, I'm not bashing the feminine - some queen make the best judies - but hey, all we can do is gag and be fierce ol' spades or bid whist partners. That's it!

So, I had the "You're a nice guy, but" speech w/him and he understood. He did say I was cool and he was really into me - but, oh well - I told him maybe we could go out - you know, as friends...he accepted. I haven't heard from him and that was two days ago...I guess friends don't call everyday.

I'm excited also because I think I'm going to finally go to poetry Friday - I'll keep yall posted. I'm so excited, but I really don't have anything to read on the mic or whatever (that's going to be my new favorite saying or whatever), so this'll be interesting - maybe the Lord will put a poem on my heart and I can have alter call right there in the club...who knows - but it's been done before, I can be laying hands, touching and agreeing, casting out, yea - you get the picture - lol.

Before I leave, let me clear this right on up. (I know, I sound more homo tonight...it's scary). The guy from the previous post - the one who told me he was HIV+, well - we never did anything. Besides, I am a bi-annual tester - every 5th and 11th month. I don't play around - and I know I'm low risk like a motherfucker, but - I still make sure! DAVID - that's his name - I met him off the party line. He told me he was 18, but when I met him and he told me he could stop by in the morning but had to be gone by 7:45 to be at work by 8:30 and he had a clear back pack w/notebooks on his back, I knew he was every bit of a high schooler. Come to find out, he's only in 11th grade - and HIV+ - all I can say is WOW. I'm not sure what role I'll play w/this dude, I mean I believe he came back in my view for a specific purpose - so I'll be sensitive to that...but still, 16 years old and HIV+...WOW.

My Morning...

2005-07-26T07:18:00.000-07:00

*****2002 (9:17:44 AM): what’s up stranger - you moved?

The ChurchBoy (9:17:54 AM): how did u know?

*****2002 (9:19:15 AM): im asking

*****2002 (9:19:22 AM): what you didnt want me to know?

*****2002 (9:19:51 AM): huh?

*****2002 (9:20:15 AM): oneday i knocked on the door no one came so i figured you m[oved

The ChurchBoy (9:21:19 AM): LOL - yea, I live on the East Coast now

*****2002 (9:35:54 AM): awe

*****2002 (9:35:58 AM): why u didnt tell me

*****2002 (9:36:18 AM): u stilll in church as a youth pastor?

The ChurchBoy (9:36:29 AM): that's what I do here

*****2002 (9:36:31 AM): i would like to keep in touch with you

*****2002 (9:36:43 AM): im not on dat gay stufff anymore

*****2002 (9:36:47 AM): thats of the deviol

The ChurchBoy (9:36:50 AM): oh - okay

*****2002 (9:37:01 AM): and doing that is making him happy

*****2002 (9:37:15 AM): i am a child of the most high god and

*****2002 (9:37:29 AM): i will do anything and everything in my power to serve him

*****2002 (9:37:47 AM): the devil is tryin to attack my body but i bind him in the might yname of jesus

*****2002 (9:38:01 AM): i went to the doctor yesterday and they said i was HIV+

*****2002 (9:38:08 AM): i rebuke that in the name of jesus

*****2002 (9:38:14 AM): i jus need people to talk to

The ChurchBoy (9:38:27 AM): u serious?

*****2002 (9:38:41 AM): yea

The ChurchBoy (9:38:52 AM): so what do u do now?

*****2002 (9:38:58 AM): that lifestyle is a trap of the enemy

The ChurchBoy (9:39:02 AM): have u thought about it?

*****2002 (9:39:12 AM): and as a child of god u and i know its wrong so

*****2002 (9:39:20 AM): i dont do that anymore

*****2002 (9:39:25 AM): you shouldnt either

*****2002 (9:39:37 AM): when u sin bad things hhappen

The ChurchBoy (9:40:03 AM): You're right - it's about perspective though - perspective. It's also about thinking shit through BEFORE you do it. But, I have you in my prayers though…

What A Day...

2005-07-24T19:06:00.000-07:00

I have no idea how I went from praising God this morning to feeling like an absolute hoe right now. My weekend - um, it was well - I guess the word "blah" would sum it up. Let's see - I had every intention on going to a poetry set Friday night - remember EAST COAST?!?! Well, I even call him to see if he wanted to take me - he told me "maybe next month." So, oh well - I guess sometime next month I'll tag along w/him. It'd be really nice to go. I guess I really got the ill feeling when I read that NO4REAL went and did his poem at an open mic...yea, that's where it came from - so hey, thanks a lot boy! I have been working on some killer pieces too - I can wait to go.

Well, that was my Friday - I sat at home and did nothing. Saturday was even better. I got up, forced myself into Bally's - worked it on out for a second and then went back home. The wierdest thing happened to me though. Remember CARIBE - the boy that I was dating when I moved here, the manager for Bally's. Well, I went to pay my bill at Bally's (which is unreasonably low every month for dating the manager - hell, it works) and the woman told me that I didn't owe anything. She said, "Mr. ChurchBoy, you are taken care of - your next payment is due in August." I was like - really? I'm still trying to figure out what happened - but I think a little Antiguan boy from the Caribbean that moved away had something to do with it. We'll see what happens next month. He actually called me - but I didn't return his call - it's difficult to call someone knowing you were developing feelings for them and now they've moved away.

So, church this morning was THE SHIT! Pastor preached on a touchy subject, "When Jesus Stands Still." He was pretty good too. I'm noticing week after week - there are a bunch of fags at this church too - one even hit on me. We have this whole "greet ya neighbor" type thing that happens - he shook my hand longer than one should - I knew what was up. I think I'll enjoy going to the 11:00 AM service from now on. Worship with an incentive...that's what I'm talking about.

So, ANTHONY- that's his name. We talk on the chat line yesterday and today he was in my bedroom. Wait - speaking of bedroom, how about there was a guy I was chatting w/ on the chat line - he sounded like he was just what I was looking for. That was until he said he wanted to meet me. Well, I'm down w/that. But, he wanted me to come over to his place - that I wasn't down with. I told him we could me that night but we had to go to a coffee house, or a bar, or some place where there will be witnesses - how about he told me "I don't go places with people I don't know." Well, duh - isn't that the whole point. It was really scary with this guy - because he REALLY was stuck to meeting in his house - I took that as my invitation to leave this dude alone. Lord knows we don't need to be hearing, "reporting live from the East Coast, a ChurchBoy was just murdered by a guy he met on the chat line...now back to the war on Iraq." Yea, I don't need that.

So, ANTHONY was in my bedroom. He started touching me - and let me tell you - I like to be touched. But, the boy was only 20 years old - and well, he was alright - but not that good. He had my legs in the air doing a little bump and grind action and he was actually banging hard as hell - so hard that the headboard was knocking agianst the wall. I'm thinking to myself, what is this boy trying to prove. For 20 years old, he did have an impressive dick. He kissed alright too - but it's something about a 20 year old that keeps gagging on his cell phone to his other gay friends that bothers me. So, I've decided, there are no exceptions to the rule - you must be 23 or older - yup, that's it! After I busted my nut, I sent him on his way - a 45 minute train ride back to his side of town. I'm sure we won't be seeing much of each other. I just got out the shower and I doused on a little 212 - that's my favorite scent. I'm on my way out to dinner with MR. COMCAST. I'm just taking the last few minutes to smoke on this cigarette and get my thoughts together (that's figurative...I don't smoke - lol).

Till We Meet Again,

The ChurchBoy

Huh? What did you say?

2005-07-23T13:41:00.000-07:00

Hmm - It always surprises me. I guess I'm this person who's ever evolving and it just always fucking surprises me when I find out something about myself that I didn't know before. You know, I'm learning me. After a conversation on IM this morning with a friend of mine about some issues he was having I was feeling good. Why? Well, I guess I was feeling good because I was able to help him look at this problems through a different perspective. What this does is allows one to prosper - you know, push through their current situation that was unseemingly unbearable into now being able to surmount the issue at hand with a band new pair of boots. So, when you're able to help someone do that, you feel good. Until you start thinking about your own shit.

So, I started thinking and I was like, "damn yo, I'm confused as hell." Why am I confused you ask? Well, because I am wondering what do I really want? Well, what I mean is this - I really kinda know what life is all about. I mean my career is working itself, my finances are in order, I've moved to a new city, I'm growing, I'm maturing - on that front things are working out just fine. But, my romantic life is in complete shambles. Now, I'm not one of those people that let work run their lives - so that's not the answer. Once work is over, then that's it - a bitch is ghost. But, I now fine myself filling my lonely hours thinking about the pleasure of a nice romantic time with "him." Whoever "him" may be. But, do I really want romance? There are times (even in recent weeks) where my search has ended up with many possibilities...some have ended in sex (never penetration), a few have not. But after sex, then I'm fine. I can run on and see what the end is going to be. But, is that healthy? Is it healthy to have a sexual escapade and continue to live life without ever having the whims and caprices of the romantics show up in my daily activity? I wonder...anyway - I'm not sure what I want. I know it'd be nice to meet someone, but then I could possibly get bored with that one person - and then variety becomes the spice of life. But then, I dig someone who I'm into just as much as they're into me (which doesn't happen often). Because then, we both work at making that dating shit exciting - you know, doing movies, restaurants (which is how I found my new favorite place), musuems, walks in the park, etc.

I guess what I'm saying is that I want that shit to happen - but then do I really? Do I just want to bust a nut and keep living life? Yea, I'm confused as hell right now. Alright, I took a break from the Good Times marathon on TVLand to post my demented ass thoughts- back to watching them ghetto asses from Chicago's Cabrini Green housing projects that was really taped in LA.

Till We Meet Again,

The ChurchBoy

PS. Isn't it ironic that I was just talking about Good Times last week from my escapade in Brooklyn and then all of a sudden I'm in my bath robe and comfy slippers watching the marathon...the WHOLE DAMN THING?!?!

A Must See!!!

2005-07-20T18:56:00.000-07:00

Greetings to all! Please, I am soliciting your support. I happened to stumble upon a movie that literally changed my perspective about life. Please - if you are in or around NYC, you must see this movie. Hell, I'll even pay for it...

Do your self a favor and check out the website: www.ontheouts.com.

The film is playing at The Film Forum right off Christopher street - it's definitely a must see!

Till we meet again,

The ChurchBoy

I Need Your Help...All Yall!!!

2005-07-18T20:58:00.000-07:00

Listen...I need your help like a mothafucker. I was having an interesting conversation w/my mentor about my life. We were talking about where I am in life, where I plan on going, what I've learned, how I plan to use my experiences to work in my advantage, etc. We started talking about forgiveness. He immediately told me, "You have some forgiveness issues to work on, don't you?" That hit me like a ton of bricks. I actually thought to myself, "Damn, do I really have some forgivness issues?"

Question that I need an asnwer to. How do you know you've really forgiven someone?

Till we meet again,

The ChurchBoy

Sorry, My Cousins Are Visiting...

2005-07-16T11:04:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, what a wonderful time of the year. I usually am very fond of this time of the year. I mean, why wouldn't I be? It's the summer months, the sun shines earlier than normal and sets later than normal. The air smells new and crisp. The skies are a wonderful shade of blue - very peaceful and serene. The children come out early to play. Their laughter is like music to the footsteps of my daily routine. The beaches are full of every day people just wanting to get their turn at either a bit of rest, a day of water fun, picnics, etc. There's tons of fun at the many holiday cook outs where Uncles June Bug and Yum Yum are working the grill and drinking Colt 45. Aunt Mable bought her pan of potato salad because she knew that Aunt Lynn's attempt at the infamous culinary accessory would be deadful. Big Mama has been picking greens and warning Granddaddy to make sure them fool sons of hers don't burn the meat on the grill this time. Oh, this time of year is wonderful! I also am usually particularly fond of this time of year because of one other reason. What is it you ask? Oh, well because during this time of year all sorts of extended family comes to visit. I love it when that happens...until last night!

So, for the sake of santity, social activity, and just plain fun I decided when I moved here to change my profile on A4A to reflect my new location on the East Coast. So, I did. I was completely in shock because literally no sooner than I clicked the "submit" button did I start getting messages in my inbox. I was thinking to myself, "okay - this could be fun." One message came from Lil' Rough. He mentioned in his profile that he was a thick guy and was in search of someone else who wasn't skinny, but no where near fat. I was like, "I qualify." So, after going back and forth we immediately went to the next step. We exchanged phone numbers! We chatted brielfy and we vibed...that's always a good thing.

Lil' Rough and I made an attempt to meet maybe about 3 weeks ago, it fell through the cracks. After that I was done w/him. So, I got a phone call this past Wednesday and because I didn't recognize the number, I put on "that voice." And don't play, with as many homos that read this blog, you know what voice we put on. Why do we do that? Hell, I have no idea - but we do it. Anyway, long story short, we met in Times Square yesterday.

Through our lengthy telephone converations we unveiled some similar interests. Guess what? This boy loves The Golden Girls too...so when I told him I had season 1 and 2 on DVD - we were convinced that would be our first date. After grabbing a bite to eat, we were on the 2 train and then the G train and then the L train - or some shit like that - I know I was one confused bitch...but when we were done we were officially in Brooklyn. Why was I not surprised when he told me he lived in the Marcy Ave. Projects? I told him I'd never heard of them, he says that Jay-Z raps about it all the time...go figure, Jay-Z isn't in any of my playlists on my iPOD (which, by the way, I can't live without).

As soon as I walked in his place, I felt like I was going to meet JJ & Michael any minute. I also just knew Wylona was on her way to opening the door and walking in any moment. Oh, let me back up to tell you how he looked. I'm getting a head of myself here. Lil' Rough wasn't bad looking at all. He really is someone that you wouldn't really mind having on your arm. He's not super fine, and he's far from ugly. He was really just like I like 'em. He had a bald head and wore a cap. He was a little thugged out w/the ice, the new A3 Adidas, shorts w/black ankle socks, and a black t-shirt. He had on the right summer scent (there is a difference) and he was doing it. He has this really bubbly personality and this raspiness to his voice. So, yea - I'd give him a B-.

We start watching The Golden Girls and about 15 minutes later I saw it...a visitor. Moving very rapidly towards me. I was scared as hell. It was family alright, a member of of the periplantea amedcana or we know it as the common cockroach. I was too outdone. While Dorothy was reading Rose for points, I had my eye on the little bastard. I couldn't move and let him notice I was staring the bitch down, so I used my peripheal vision like a mothafucker! That was until I lost the little bastard. My heart started beating so fast - only because I just knew the little bitch saw me watching him and was probably aimed at running up my leg or some shit.

You can't tell me God won't show up on time because as soon as I lost sight of the roach, Lil' Rough changed positions and noticed the roach. He got up and killed it like it was no problem. He mentioned something about him just moving there and this was a problem that he was tired of. All I could think was "Whatever!" I was just glad that God moved on my behalf...

(remembering last night - give me a second...ee baba shando...)

Of course things got steamy. I'm thinking about keeping this Lil' Rough around. Not for husband material cuz that he's not, but just because of his tongue. I'm getting hard right now thinking about how this boy licked and sucked the shit outta my nipples. I know how I knew that he really aint "the one." It's because I wasn't really pumped on making sure I returned all the favors. Can't really explain it - but yea. Anyway after a long ass session of sucking, licking, kissing, caressing, poking, and prodding (no penetration), I shot nut on my chin. Well, my legs were in the missionary position because he was my tossing salad like he was a hungry vegan.

Let me stick a pen there...this dude was so funny, either that or I have a lot to learn. While we were making out (who uses that term, whew) he was talking dirty and nasty to me. I've never really been into that too much...but I went along with it. Not too much though, just giving the right amount of "yea" and "uh huh" to fuel the session. Wierdest thing though...when he was jacking off and I was sucking his nipples, he wanted me to talk dirty to him. I've NEVER talked dirty to anyone before. Never...but, he kept saying "come on baby, talk that nasty shit to me." I didn't even know what to say - so, I just kept sucking and moaning. I was hoping that he'd notice I wasn't going to do it and would stop requesting...but that didn't work. He kept saying, "yea baby, talk that nasty shit to me." That felt so wierd and unnatural to me. I guess us church boys have a few more things to learn in that area.

After we got done, I asked him if I could use his bathroom. He told me sure...here's how I know he wouldn't be a keeper. Lil' Rough is NASTY. I know I may sound country, and act like I'm from the country, and cook like I'm from the country, and love like I'm from the country, but listen...please, keep ya damn house clean. ESPECIALLY the bathroom. No wonder he had family visiting. I saw dead roaches around the base of the toilet, I saw a smahed roach on the sink, a dirty, wet, mildewed mop was on the floor - it was a complete mess. The visitors were probably coming to pay their last respects. Please, don't put all that shit in your bathroom or your house if you're not going to keep it clean.

In closing, I remember when I left, he walked me to the J train so I could get back to the other side of town...I remember thinking how nice the breeze was, how calm the air was, how crisp the night felt, how much I'd enjoyed my time with Lil' Rough, but how there would probably be no strong future between us...there could never be. I'd feel like I'd always be second to him, his family and his visitors are probably more imporant to him.

God Knows My Heart...again...

2005-07-15T06:57:00.000-07:00

I stole this from Him...

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey

Name: The ChurchBoy
Birthday: The day I was born...
Birthplace: Chicago, IL
Current Location: NYC
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Black
Height: 6'4"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right...lefties are odd!
Your Heritage: That young Afro-American
The Shoes You Wore Today: Sandals...I know, gay right? But hell, it's Friday.
Your Weakness: Italian food and a good looking man!
Your Fears: Not ever having children...
Your Perfect Pizza: Thin crust with sausage, cheese, black olives, & spinach! Quit looking like that and try it!
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Communicate with President Bush on a few issues plaguing our youth!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: LOL
Thoughts First Waking Up: How much sleep did I really get.
Your Best Physical Feature: My stature...
Your Bedtime: Whew - after the Cosby Show in Nick @ Nite
Your Most Missed Memory: Road trips w/my feminine ass friends back home in Chicago. Those were some good times...from start to finish.
Pepsi or Coke: Neither - Kool Aid is my shit...
MacDonalds or Burger King: Definitely Burger King...where else can you get beef your way? (pun intended)
Single or Group Dates: Definitely single - I've never even been on a group date, but the sound of it isn't appetizing at all.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton Green Tea is the BOMB! (Do people still use that term?)
Chocolate or Vanilla: Cookie Dough...You need a variety, remember, it's the spice of life.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Neither, tea
Do you Smoke: Not at all...
Do you Swear: I try not to...who the fuck am I kidding? Hell muthafucking yea...
Do you Sing: Nah, I'm a poet...I speak words!
Do you Shower Daily: You bet ya bottom dollar...oh wait, I'm a Christian, I'm not supposed to bet.
Have you Been in Love: Oh hell yea...that nigga had me WHIPPED!
Do you want to go to College: Been there done that, getting ready for graduate school.
Do you want to get Married: No doubt...but only to a man. Females are nasty. Ain't shit we can do together but be spades partners..."I got 4 and a possible..."
Do you belive in yourself: Nope, never in myself.
Do you get Motion Sickness: Nope - cuz the motion feels just right.
Do you think you are Attractive: Only with my hair cut...
Are you a Health Freak: Semi...I eats plenty of fruits & veggies a day.
Do you get along with your Parents: I don't...
Do you like Thunderstorms: That's the best sleep you'd ever get
Do you play an Instrument: Yup, every day - and sometimes twice a day.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Nope, besided mouthwash.
In the past month have you Smoked: Nah, I can't stand tabacco.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Nope
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yes, I sure have...
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Nope - too new to the area.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Nah, Pepperidge Farm Chessman are better
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: The only way fish should be eaten is fried with hotsauce.
In the past month have you been on Stage: Yep - a few times a week (comes w/the job).
In the past month have you been Dumped: Ironcially, I have...
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: I save my goodies for "the one."
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Nah, I'm too scared to. Although a pen from the office ended up at home, somehow.
Ever been Drunk: Nope, too scared
Ever been called a Tease: All the time - I just test the waters though.
Ever been Beaten up: Who me?
Ever Shoplifted: Hell yea, and almost went to jail for it. I've never stolen a thing in my life again.
How do you want to Die: ON a full stomach. I'll be mad as hell if I don't.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I'm already fulfilling my dream!
What country would you most like to Visit: I'm cool right here...with bombings and terrorists and shit I'm cool.

In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Whatever is real
Favourite Hair Color: Hmm, nothing feminine.
Short or Long Hair: Doesn't matter, but it better had look masculine.
Height: Tall is always a plus
Weight: Nice and thick (with it all in the right places).
Best Clothing Style: I'm open

Number of Drugs I have taken: "crack is whack...I make too much money for crack."
Number of CDs I own: I have an iPOD - I download music - I have about 4500 mp3s though.
Number of Piercings: Doesn't matter
Number of Tattoos: Who cares?
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Because I always make wise choices...none. (smile)

The Saga Continues...

2005-07-13T18:26:00.000-07:00

From Anonymous - Hey to you too...but, I have no idea who are you. It looks like you're a frequent reader though from your comments.

1. Can you really cook like you say you can?
Yup - you bet your bottom dollar. I can actually cook better than my own mother. Isn't that something? I cook for guys, but not until I know you're going to last. Cooking is like the height and depth of my communication to a guy - anytime I slave over a hot stove for a man, I loves he! Only 3 guys in the past (well maybe a few more) have had that pleasure.

2. Describe your best sexual experience.
This really isn't a question - but I'll answer it. It involved a certain guy from Jamaica. In all seriousness, the boy has a 13 inch dick - but what's so wonderful is that he likes for me to fuck him. That's kinda wierd too - but hell, I don't ask no questions. He's really passionate and sensitive and he makes sure you're definitely pleased. He really turns on this whole masculinty ordeal where he grabbed me from behind while I was cooking (he was and still is one of them boyz that I loves). As I was cooking he started to kiss the back of my neck and I felt his hard dick pressing up against my back end. It's nice to have a guy just as tall as you - so that felt good, not odd, but really secure. I put the smothered chicken on simmer cuz I knew what was about to go on. As he was kissing the back of my neck, and he heard my moans, that fueled him even more. Before I knew it I turned around and we were engaged in a magical kiss that had us both seeing sparks. If I'm sexing you and I care for you, you won't get the best of me, so I had to make him feel it too. I found a few of his spots and heard him moaning as well - I got him to that point.

That point where it was time for more. I remember quite vividly we ended up on the floor in the kitchen. I pulled down his jogging pants and went to work on everything below his waist and above his knees. Now 13 inches is a bit too much, I'm good, but I'm no pro - so I handled what I could. It was enough that I felt the shaft of his dick pulsating and I knew what was about to happen. I stopped immediately. I knew how to finish off dessert before dinner and that was by tasting him...all of him. At 6'3" his legs are extremely long, but looked beautiful in the air as I poked and prodded his ass until he begged me to get inside of him. I grabbed a condom and a lube which is ALWAYS strategically placed, you will NEVER catch a bitch off guard. The next 5 minutes (hey, I tried to go longer, but hell - that foreplay wore me out - remember, I'm no professional, but I'm good enough. Besides, I HATE guys who take more than 15 minutes to bust a nut - like Bernie Mac said, it's a race to the finish line, you better get your before I get mines) were nothing but pure ecstacy that had us both dripping in sweat. After that ordeal we lay on the floor, curled up, enjoying the best conversation we'd ever had...and no one had spoke a word. Hmmm, I still love him.

3. Tell us, what's the perfect guy for you like?
Despite popular belief, I'm not that superficial. On the physical I prefer a non-smoker who has great dental hygeine. I LOVE to kiss, and well, keep that tight. Also, make sure your physical hygeine is in tact too. Why, you ask? Well, because I like putting my mouth places where it probably shouldn't go, so I don't want to taste nothing I probably shouldn't be tasting. Other than that, have some type of physical shape, and please - be masculine. You don't have to be DL, but I'm attractive enough to get a female...if I wanted one, I'd be with her.

It becomes a bit more difficult on the mental level. AT this point in my life I am really looking for husband material. I’m not getting any younger and my biological clock is ticking – lol. I appreciate someone who can communicate effectively. It’d also be nice to have someone who understands that it’s not about what I can do for them, or what they can do for me, but it’s really about what we can do for each other on various levels. Someone who just doesn’t have goals, dreams, or ambitions, but I appreciate someone who’s actively achieving those same goals, dreams, and ambitions. I’d also appreciate someone who understands certain principles like reciprocity, self-sufficiency, and being independent. That’d help a lot. I guess that’s really about all I ask for. I can pretty much deal with everything else. It’s just that at my age – finding someone my age – that’s on that same platform, well, it’s a little hard to find.

PS, someone that desires to pray together before going to sleep at night is really sexy to me...

From I’m Here – Boy, you know you are DEFINITELY a hand full. I can’t even remember how our relationship started. I think it was through Yahoo in what, 1998 or so? Well, you knows I loves you – and well, here goes nothing.

1. What is the ultimate purpose you feel that should achieve in life?
My ultimate purpose in life that I feel I should achieve is based on two instructions that Jesus taught about. They are the Great Commission and the Great Commandment. I feel that I should be willing to always please God in all that I do, attempt to live in harmony with other believers, tell others about Christ, use what I have to benefit others, and try to become like Jesus was in the way I think, act, and feel.

2. What area do you struggle with concerning family and friendships?
Whew…good question. I think the area I struggle with the most is learning how to let relationships go. When I refer to relationships, I mean both family and friendships. I’m a firm believer that people are like the steps on a ladder, it’s sad to say, but they’re just there until you move (either up or down) to another step of the ladder. Some stick with you as you start off – some eventually drop off as you move up – some come back around as you move down – some don’t show up until you get to the top – and low and behold if you move down, the ones that met you at the top are sure to remember you no more. My only point is that I struggle with letting people be there for their time (as mentioned in Ecclesiastes) and then letting them go.

3. I guess that some already questioned sexuality, how will this be dealt with years from now?
Years from now…hmmm, that’s good too. I don’t even know how it’s dealt with now. I guess I’m really taking it step by step. I don’t think ones sexual preference either prohibits or encourages them to reach a certain level or remain where they are. I just don’t think sexual preference plays that much a part into where we take our lives. I think it’s moreso how WE react to certain things that ultimately determines what we do and how we get there. So, it’s [my sexual preference] not an issue now, I don’t forsee it being an issue in the future.

4. With a sincere heart, what do you wish for all people to have and cherish?
You should have guessed this one. I sincerely wish for all people to have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

5. What are you willing to give up to meet your goal you wish to achieve in life?
Myself! I constantly give up myself every day. Some days it’s easier than others – but yea, I give up myself.

From No4Real4Real – Hey Boo Boo – I miss chatting w/you. You have to log onto Yahoo more…
1. What is the nastiest sexual thing you will and/or have done?
I don’t do nasty sexual things. I’m a church boy, I’m a quiet, shy, and timid human being! We don’t do nasty sexual things. WE have sex in the missionary position only. They actually named that position after us.

2. What makes you – YOU?
My ability to overcome. Let me tell you, if I were granted money every time I overcame an obstacle, I’d be a rich bitch. Every day man, it’s a struggle. I’m constantly faced with opposition. Not that I’m asking for a pity party, but living my life is difficult. If I didn’t have God, I’d be chopped liver. Anyway, I get his unexplainable power to make it through shit EVERYTIME. The result is an improvement in character development. That’s what makes me, me!

3. What is the one thing about you that leaves a lasting impression on everyone you encounter?
Honestly? It’s my infectious positive attitude. I’m a goof ball – a kid at heart and in action. If you come in contact w/me, I WILL have you laughing…that’s just who I am and how I am. People love being around me because they love laughing with me.

From my Baby’s Daddy – SmilingDL
1. If you found a life-time lover how will you explain it to your congregation?
Are you crazy? I wouldn’t tell it to my congregation. There are some things some people just don’t need to know. This, my dear, is one of them.

2. Since moving to the east coast, what has been your best experience thus far?
Damn – my best experience is definitely the view. I’ve seen and met so many interesting guys that are just plain attractive. That’s a good thing – the male species, that’s a good thing.

3. Besides God, who else has been a source of inspiration in your life?
Honestly, my mother has. She was and still is shit to me. Knowing that I’d want to be a better parent to my children, I’d want to tell them I love them more than 3 times in their ENTIRE childhood, I’d want to show them I care, I don’t want to be what my mother was to me. Knowing that I was dealt a bad hand and having to deal with it, that situation has really inspired me NEVER to get into such a mentality where I treat my kids the way she treated me.

Grae – You’re funny! I’m not answering these damn questions. Start updating your blog more than once a month!

Yall Some Funny Muh Fuckas!!!

2005-07-12T18:11:00.000-07:00

Here goes nothing...

From Anonymous:

1. Why didn't I tell you I was gay? Why'd you have to find out this way?

Well, it's not really anything you go around shouting. I didn't tell you because it really wasn't the right time. I'm not sure there will ever be a right time, but some things you just leave undiscussed. I'm still trippin on how you got a hold of my blog - I think I have an idea though and if it has anything to do with a W-4 form, a ten key adding machine, and a little company in Elk Grove...then I know EXACTLY how you found out.

2. Why were you leading me on, taking me to poetry, and out to eat?

Girl, we were having fun..weren't we? I didn't know I was leading you on. How many STRAIGHT dudes do you talk to your STRAIGHT guy friend about? NONE!!! Only homos will give you advice on your relationship, tell you what colors look good together, and visit churches with you. I was going out to eat with you because we were hungry, right? Besides, you like to eat - I like to eat - so then, hell, that's what we did...we ate.

3. Why didn't you tell me you were gay? (I just can't get over this)

Well, like I said - some things you just don't reveal. Besides, I was kicking it with you to get with your brother...which by the way knows how to show another man a really good time! That tongue of his works wonders...

From The Church Girl

1. How do you balance your sexuality and your profession/calling as a pastor?

I don't think it's as difficult as people think. It's just like asking someone who's straight, "excuse me sir or ma'am, but how do you handle your sexuality and your profession?" I'm sure they'd look at you like, "What the fuck are you talking about?" Think about yourself for instance, when you go to work, how often do you think about sex? Naturally, I'm sure a few times or you may get naturally aroused during the day...but I'm sure you don't have premeditated intenions that are drenched in sexual desires, do you? Well, it's the same for me - it's just that you like men, and I'd do two...at a time!

2. Is it difficult for you to go to the barber shop?

If you're referring to our recent telephone conversation...HELL YEA! You get crowded in a tiny space with that many good looking men and you tell me what happens.. I don't think I've ever seen an ugly barber...

3. I think my man is dipping on the other side, how can I be sure?

What am I now, Mother Love? Well, there's a tell tale sign you can be sure of if your man is dipping. I just have to ask you one question, "Do you really think your man is dipping on the other side?" Well, if you said yes, then that's your sign...remember, once you go dick and ass, well....you figure out the rest.

From Lateef (We still need to write that book together, we'd make a killing)

1. How difficult was it to leave behind your family at your church in Chicago?

Well, I really didn't have much family in Chicago, so it wasn't too difficult. Besides I was offered a compensation package one couldn't refuse. But leaving my church was really difficult. But, it was necessary. I was way too comfortable at my church back home. I had been there my entire life. Not only that, but I was also in leadership and had a great deal of power. With that much going for me, there really wasn't too much of a need to depend on God...so He kinda needed to change my scenario a bit to make sure I kept him priority.

2. Where do you see yourself in five years?

I haven't the slightest idea. I haven't though past next week, let alone 5 years. But married (to a guy of course), adpoted a baby or two, and doing the damn thang career wise. In 5 years, I'll be a knocking 30, so having built a firm foundation not just for myself (which is just about done), but one w/my partner would be imporatant too.

3. What event in your life has tested your faith the most?

Damn...that's a good question. I would probably say moving here. It happened in less than 2 months - the entire process, from start to finish. That's a really quick time. I dont' think I had really sat down to think everything through. By the time I sat down, I had just unpacked my last box and I looked up and realized that I was in a new place, all alone, and I knew NO ONE. It was scary, but again, sometimes God does those types of things...He'll get the best out of us if it's the last thing we do...and for some people, it is the last thing they do.

From Ladynay - Hey girl, it's nice to meet you - I have no idea who you are, but thanks for stopping by to visit...comment more frequently so I know who you are.

1. How do you handle the sermon about sexuality?

I don't - I pull out my cell phone and start playing Tetris. My goal is to always beat my previous score. And since I'm a little over 50,000 points - it take about a good 30 minutes or so to get there...just enough time for the gay preacher who's preaching about sexuality (probably one I slept with) to be on his last few points of the day. Then I just meet him after church and fuck him...

2. What's your opinion of the Catholic church and their issues with the leaders messing with kids?

Hmmm, the Altar boys altering the boys? It's sick - you know it is. But (and not defending their actions in any way, shape, form or fashion), but they're still people and just cuz they fucked up doesn't mean we need to just look down on them like their nobodies. They need help and I think it's our responsibility to do what we can. But, it was a whole lotta them damn preists fucking altar boys, wasn't it? DAMN!!! Anyway, back to my point - the Bible declares that we're made out of dust - that's worse than dirt. So for one piece of dust to think they're better than the other piece of dust makes absolutely no sense what so ever!

3. Ummmmmmm, after reading anonymous #1's questions, are you in the closet?

Um, let's just say I'm standing in the closet with the door slighly ajar...

From Timothy

1. When are you coming back to Chicago to hang with me?

I'll probably come home some time in August - so we can hang then. But, when are you coming here...not DC, to hang w/me?

2. When you gonna hit me back up? Been waiting on 10 minutes to go by for almost a week now...LOL

Funny, funny, funny...I think I called you back and left you a voice mail, didn't I? I'm not sure I can't remember...You do have my number, don't you?

3. How did you know that being a pastor was your "calling"? This I must know!

Hell, I'm still trying to figure this on out. I honestly have no idea how this came about. I really happened by accident. I know I have been called to leadership - I was shaped for it - that's no question. The literal meaning ofthe word "pastor" means someone who leads or directs. That's what a pastor is, but our culture has taught us (even me until a short while ago) that a pastor has to be somoene who is ordained, who can preach, and who can hoop and holla. That's not the case - so because I am so adimant about my mission and what God wants me to do and because of that, I honestly don't even look at the title. The title is just a bi-product of what I'm all about.

Part 2 will come tomorrow...I'm Here has asked a few key questions and I must take a deep breath before I continue to answer his questions...I still have love for you, but boy - you know you're a handful!

God knows my heart...

2005-07-09T10:44:00.000-07:00

Ain't that a trip - that is the biggest cop out ever. You know you did something wrong, but instead of admitting you screwed up we say, "God knows my heart!."

Anyway, since moving to this part of the country, I've been speaking w/my people back at home more and more frequently. Just about every conversation always entails a bunch of questions. So, I'm going to steal this from the "Evolver" himself!

Take a moment, go ahead ask me any three questions you want. I know it's stealing, but hell "God knows my heart!"

Oh yea, let's put this in fine print; if I only get 2 responses I will erase this post with the quickness and act like it never happened.

Till we meet again,
The ChurchBoy

A Slight Response...

2005-07-05T11:04:00.000-07:00

Greetings to all...I had a very interesting comment to my previous post. Allow me to address it...

---

"Mr. Church Boy,

As we all know, we are very aware of the resources that is missing or lacking thereof. I thought your first priority is for the spiritual edification and guidance, not the resource manager. Am I correct in this assumption? Yes, we do need natural assistance for daily living, and people to distribute to the local assembly. However, I do have some heavy questions to ask churches and those in leadership, why spend so much time and energy in gathering resources, financial gains, securing pledged support, worrying about material needs? I thought God is responsible to handle these things if we first seek him. Am I correct about the bible in this regard? I thought we must exercise spiritual faith and apply biblical principles before reaching our hand out to the pockets that have money or the resources to assist our communities. Should we ask God to supply our needs? Should we look to man and corporations to supply our needs? Many may read this and say, “He is so abrupt and obnoxious,” but I am only trying to seek answers and point out why the church itself fails to do what God has commanded. I noticed that many (In the church- no offence to you) are wasting time and resources gathering material things, especially those in the church. Given, many did not contribute to the issues our youth face today. Shifting the blame only prolongs the issue in being resolved, that I cannot agree more with you. However, when the growing Antioch church flourished after Pentecost, did not the bible say they had developed and revolved their own resources from goods and selling of possessions? Frankly, we are trying to solve a sociological issue by way of a supernatural entity with a blinded scope of whom God is and what he promised to do for those who believe in him!"

---

Mr. I’m Here – you know, you are so funny. Is that all you have? I’ve enjoyed your comments throughout the past few months…it seems that you’ve been following my blog for a hot minute, which I thoroughly appreciate.

You bring up valid points and before I can address them with my opinion, let’s not presuppose. It seems you have deep concern with three issues:

1. My role in the body of Christ
2. The church’s right in the body of Christ
3. God’s responsibility in the body of Christ

My Role in the Body of Christ
Your Argument: “As we all know, we are very aware of the resources that is missing or lacking thereof. I thought your first priority is for the spiritual edification and guidance, not the resource manager. Am I correct in this assumption?”

My Response
You make a good point. A point so good that I must give you slight accolades for acknowledging the fact that spiritual edification and guidance is needed, thus a portion of my mission. Let me warn you, the buck doesn’t stop at spiritual edification and guidance. There’s much more that people need in life than spiritual edification and guidance in terms of reaching their potential in Christ. Prime example – Jesus Christ. He clearly indicated to his prime rival that “people need more than just bread for their life; they must feed on every word of God.” (Matthew 4:4 NLT)

Understanding the context, the question becomes what does “every word of God contain” and why do we need it? I’m a prime believer that the Bible contains an answer (at the very least a portion of the complete answer) to ever situation any person can ever go through. This includes more than just spiritual edification and guidance problems. This also includes financial problems, relationship problems, family problems, education problems, etc. If that being the case and I am to live this truth in my every day life – how can I honestly live a one dimensional life reflecting a multi-dimensional truth? The two can't co-exist.

My only point – my mission in the body of Christ is to help build healthy ministries. Ministries that tend to meet the needs of levels of people on their levels of spirituality. This includes folks who are unchurched as well as those who are devout Christians and Bible scholars. Why? Just as Paul admits in Acts 24:15 (which is a direct correlation with Solomon in Proverbs) God reigns on the just, as well as the unjust. I have been commissioned and commanded to do 5 very important things: “to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you” (Matthew 28:19-20) and “Love God with my heart, soul, and mind and strength. The second is equally important, love my neighbor as myself.” (Mark 12:30-31).

Plainly said, these 5 important tasks are to:
1. Tell others about Christ (Evangelism)
2. Please God in all I do (Worship)
3. Create, build, and maintain healthy relationships with other Christians (Fellowship)
4. Teach others how to become like Christ (Discipleship)
5. Use what I have to help others when they need it (Ministry)

The Church’s Right in the Body of Christ

Your Argument: “However, I do have some heavy questions to ask churches and those in leadership, why spend so much time and energy in gathering resources, financial gains, securing pledged support, worrying about material needs? I thought God is responsible to handle these things if we first seek him. Am I correct about the bible in this regard?”

My Response
Initially, I’d like to know what scripture reference you’re using to base your conclusion. I’m really curious. Every commandment I’ve studied that refers to the purpose of the church has clearly indicated God’s purpose and desire that the church carry out the mission that Christ began. It’s not a matter of who – more so, a matter of how.

In terms of the church’s responsibility in general – it’s nothing more than to complete Christ’s mission. What was his mission? His mission was to save the world. It may sound weird or out of tact, but realistically speaking that’s what Christ did. Every step of the way, from preparation to crucifixion to resurrection…he was focused on saving a dying world.

Remember, it’s a question of how. How did he do it? It’s still a mystery – he was God in person…I mean, come on here...it’s supposed to be a mystery. Look at the facts – we’re not sure how many people were believers in God through Jesus Christ back in Biblical times – but, it’s wise to ascertain there weren’t many. So, from not many back in the day to over 3.1 billion Christians through Jesus Christ today – the man has a lot of ideas that we can definitely learn from.

With that ideology in mind, we’re to carry out the mission, but we’re not Jesus. Which means we (the church) have our own personality, mentality, resources, and specific tasks to complete within the Body of Christ. It’s wise for each portion of the Body to figure out where God has placed them and begin working as he originally designed. This may mean a church Body can be prioritized a number of ways; missions based, needs based, spiritually educationally based, evangelism based, ministry based, socially based, etc. Jesus never commanded there was a certain way to minister…he just said when to minister and where to minister.

So, your church may do it one way. Someone else’s church may do it another way – neither way is right or wrong as long as the focus has been prioritized in such a way that it fulfills the Great Commission and Great Commandment.

God’s Responsibility in the Body of Christ

Your Argument: “I thought God is responsible to handle these things if we first seek him. Am I correct about the bible in this regard? I thought we must exercise spiritual faith and apply biblical principles before reaching our hand out to the pockets that have money or the resources to assist our communities. Should we ask God to supply our needs? Should we look to man and corporations to supply our needs?”

My Response
You have great questions…for a new Christian. I’ve known you for years. It’s safe to assume that you know all the answers to these questions you’re asking.

For the sake of the blog, I’ll answer the questions.

God is responsible for handling things, if we seek him. You’re absolutely right. However, you need to understand three very important things about promises of God:

1. Promises are often conditional
2. God only gives us promises to help better accomplish His will
3. Don’t assume to know when , where, or how the promise will be fulfilled in your life

You still have responsibility in exercising faith and applying biblical principles, but helping someone is not an option. “Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?” (James 2:15-16 NIV). You should ask God to supply your needs, but asking God to supply your needs without you exercising your faith in God is as walking on water with the same beliefs as an atheist. Do you sit at home all day and say “God will supply my needs?” You don’t…God’s way to providing your needs is by working. “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” (2nd Thessalonians 3:10 NIV)

My point here – is that everyone is in need. The level of need from man to man differs, but God is merciful and just as he extends mercy to other, we’re commanded to do the same (Matthew 5:7). You may not be in need financially or physically, but spiritually you’re in need – you’re constantly in needs of God’s provision, His grace, His benefits, etc. So, if it’s in your power to do so – lend a helping hand. If anything more, it pleases God that you’re using your gifts and abilities for the benefit of others, you’re developing and building a healthy relationship, and you’re empowering someone else to extend the same assistance to someone else that they were given by you.

Mr. I'm Here - I hope this shines light on my opinions of why I do what I do. I don't wish to convince you to see things the way I do - that's a sin - but I don't mind sharing with you the reasons and opinions that make up who The Church Boy really is and what he's all about...

I Guess I'm Toni Braxton...

2005-07-01T08:41:00.000-07:00

Because I can finally breathe again!!! I've been completely swamped with work for the past week and a half. Well, that's what I moved here for - I moved here for work. And it's been kicking my ASS...literlly! So, I completely apologize - actually, I don't...this blog ain't paying my bills. I got about 17 e-mails from yall readers about not updating my blog. You mid-west homos can't wait to read my shit but you can't comment...come on, where is the rule of reciprocity being observed here? Whew...

So, let's reveal a bit of information. For those who aren't aware (which should be majority of yall), The ChurchBoy is yes...a youth pastor! I know...I know...you couldn't even guess, right? Yes, I spend all my hours counseling, ministering to, and pouring into the broken lives of urban teenagers. Hey, it's what God shaped me for. This stays between you and me...okay! After noticing a HUGE need in the community, I decided to do something about it. But, my organization and I can only do so much - it's a shame. So, let's just say I'm a bit fed up right now and I need to grab ahold of all my elected officials in the area after I create this circle of consumer power that exists in the community. So, the ChurchBoy is thinking on how to make this happen. I'm thinking I have enough connections already to form this ring of power - I can request to have a press conference if that doesn't work, I can make some "quiet noise" to get folks attention...well, all the details aren't quite worked out. Just know that if you turn on your nightly news and hear what sounds like the voice of a pissed off ChurchBoy...then, it's me! SMILING DL...I may need your assistance.

Well, since I was pissed off my mind started wandering. I started thinking about a few things:

Laura Winslow...where in the hell is she? She was definitely a role model to the young girls when that show was on (even to some of the boys - no my hand isn't raised). Why was she a role model? Cuz every one wanted both a Steve and Stefan Urkel! I sho' know I did..."did I do that?"

Kim from the Parkers - Why didn't her first CD do any good? I think she needs to think about recording...she can really sing!

Anyway - other than that, life has been so/so. Beside it being hotter than Satan's pussy, I have just had a bomb dropped on me. CARIBE and I were doing phenominally well. We have been going on dates at least three times a week. One of those dates always included just lounging around the house doing nothing. In which case we'd be hugged up on the couch watching The Golden Girls. We've gone into Manhattan for dinner at some really good favorite spots. Here's my reccomendation: Buona Notte. It's a cute little place for dinner and a date on the town. We happened to go right in the middle of the Little Italy fest - it was wonderful. I thought to myself, "wow, this a taste of the NY life." I even bought a few bottles of cologne - some favorites at a dirt cheap ass price. We've really been enjoying ourselves. His accent becomes more and more attractive each time we have a conversation. Our telephone conversations seem endless. We haven't had sex yet, but each time we kiss we both feel this level of satisfaction and esteem. It's wonderful!

Anyway, so he calls me and tells me that he's moving away. He works for Bally's and they're closing his location. He's relocating to Ohio. Hmmm....so, it's just about over!

But, then enters SMOOTH. God always has a ram in the bush!

"Here I am," he replied. "Do not lay a hand on the boy," God said...Abraham looked up and there in the thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son.

Genesis 22:11-13 (NLT)

He's a 29 y/o executive in NYC - Tall, meduim build, fairly attractive, and has them twistie things in his hair that are not too long and not too short - they add this level of disctinction to his look that is intriguing. Where will the road leave us? I'm not sure, but it's been a long time since I've been touched - and look at your neighbor and say, "It's about that time..."

This should be interesting. It's good right now (it always is in the beginning, right?). It's only been a few days, but I'm already in love. Well, not really in love - just strong "like." He's a dire Madea fan just like me. Last night on the phone, we went back and forth with scenes from Madea. We acted them out on the phone - and where I stopped, he picked up and where he stopped I picked up - we laughed for a good hour doing those damn scenes. Ahhh...

Basking in my happiness,

The ChurchBoy

Tis just another day's journey...

2005-06-22T07:19:00.000-07:00

And hell, I ain't glad about it.

Let me first say this...I think I've found a church home! I'm extremely excited. Why am I excited? Well, my friend who's here visiting for the next month and three weeks says that I'm very conceited and arrogant and I go to church for the wrong reason. Well, I don't go to look at the boys...although, it helps me get into the Holy mood if the view is right. But, despite popular belief, I don't look for a place of worship with all the fancy do-dads and dad-dos. It's just that well, I've come from a place where we've been through the growing pains. Hell, I was a part of the growing pains. So, at this point I'm looking to pick up the pieces right where I left them. So, hell...I found a place.

Check this out: "Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with mockers. But they delight in doing everthing the Lord wants; day and night they think about his law. They are like trees planted along the riverbank bearing fruit each season without fail. Their leaves never wither, and in all they do, they prosper!" Psalms 1:1-3

As a little church lad, I've read this scripture many times before. Never once did I view this as divine instruction for my path of life. For example all the verbs of the first sentence are extremely progressive and natural in action. I never saw that. They are also applicable to many areas of life. Not only that but there are three conditional promises:

A promise of productivity: Hell, there is a tree and it's planted by the stream. If two and two equal four then productivity is a natural bi-product of a healthy system. The point: Check where your ass is planted! If you're not productive where you're planted, it may be time to move.
A promise of preservation: Aiight, so there's a leaf on this tree. The promise is that throughout every season, the leaves on the tree will remain as green and a ripe as are in the most prudent season. So, we obey the condition of the first sentence because of preservation. Preservation is simple - pre means before...and serve means to be of use. So, this means that God was of some use to us BEFORE we knew about being of some use to him. You know "Oh how I love Jesus, because he first loved me." Yea, that's some good shit!
A promise of prosperity: I don't like it when many people teach about prosperity cuz they take it out of it's original context. So, if I follow the conditions of the first sentence, then I will have the grace to do nothing more than push forward in any situation or activity I'm in. The scripture says whatever I set out to do shall prosper...that's all conditional upon verse #1. And...that's good news.

Oh yea, so a nigga is chillin at this church on Sunday mornings from now on!!! This is home now...I'm happy as hell.

Oh yea, CARIBE and I are doing wonderful. We've gone out for dinner a few times. We saw a few movies together (don't waste your money on The Honey.Mooners). We have daily conversations. We discuss The Golden Girls. We've made out (but never to the point of revealing our wee-wees). We're chillin...Oh yea, he was even in the car w/me when I was hit Monday night (Damn East Coast drivers) and he did his best to console me and make me feel better. You know, it's way too early to tell if he's the one...but, I can see my self with a sexy ass carribbean accented muh fucka. I really can. He was actually trying to teach me how to speak w/an accent one day last week....that was definitely a memorable moment. Although he says I speak like I'm from the country...that wasn't good.

I'm out...

2005-06-16T18:53:00.000-07:00

I felt like the Pied Piper...trapped. So, I did a elementary school move. You know, when you had company at home and your parents came home earlier than expected. He hid in my bedroom until I made sure the coast was clear. I looked through the peep hole and I could hear some commotion on the other side of my door. My heart was literally racing. I opened the door and I didn't see anyone. I signaled to GENE that the coast was clear. That was until I heard a familiar accent coming from in front of me, "What have you been doing - I have been standing outside trying to call you forever...."

GENE ran back into my bed room as soon as he heard the noise...

Now, let me tell you – I’m not one for too much drama, simply cuz I can’t handle it. And let me tell you I was nervous as fuck at that moment. But it didn’t dawn on him that I’d pressed the voice mail key on my cell phone. Anytime you use the voice mail key instead of dialing the number straight out, it will make the messages play loud via the speaker. I had to tell GENE that the coast was clear and there were no worries. When I showed him it was my cell phone – he literally cussed me out for scaring him that much. I guess he’s been down this road before…everything he did seemed to just be second nature. Either that…or that boy was just good at responding to conflict on a dime.

So once he was clear and out the door, I had some work to do. I had CARIBE who I had to get to. I really didn’t know what to expect. I just kinda put myself in his shoes. If I was calling a dude that I had plans with and I couldn’t reach him…I’d be mad as hell. I mean I’d get over it fairly quickly, but hey…that’s me. So, after a more thorough wash, I picked up the phone:

ME: Hey, what’s up?
CARIBE: Nothing – where you been? I left you a few messages.
ME: Oh, I’m sorry – I must have clicked my ringer off by mistake. I was working on the computer and glanced at the phone and saw it was lit up. I’m so sorry – please forgive me. Where are you?
CARIBE: I’m two block away going home…
ME: Oh, I’ll make it up to you – can you come back?
CARIBE: Of course…I’m on my way

Whew…that solved it. So, I just had to do a few extra things…I could handle that. But, I did feel kinda bad though for lying. Listen: I’m not a liar – so, it was difficult for me to tell that one…which is also why it was weak as hell.

So, I met him downstairs and we came up. We completely chilled out. We watched Blanche, Dorothy, Sophia, and Rose act a damn fool. We laughed like we ain’t never seen the shit at all. We watched quite a few episodes with eager. It wasn’t until the middle of episode 5 that we got REALLY comfortable with each other. We were completely laid up at that point. The last thing I remember is Blanche commenting on how she gets all the right types of men…it just kinda happened. We kissed!

Again, this was hard for me. It was hard cuz I never make the first move…and in fact, I didn’t make the first move with him. But, despite popular belief, the ChurchBoy is really a shy little lad. But, once we got into it – that was it. We kissed for about 30 minutes. Our hands did some exploring. After we had our affirmations, our tongues did some exploring as well. While we kissed he took his hands and found that spot on the right side of my chest. When we saw me flinch and let out a moan of ecstasy…he stopped and whispered in his Caribbean accent, “ha, ha – I found one.” I pulled away from him playfully…he wasn’t going for that, so he pulled me back as we picked up right where we left off.

Before our night was done we ended up in my bed. I really had to control myself. I did that cuz I really do like this kat. So, we did some bumping and some grinding…we did some licking and sucking…but, our clothes never came off. As a matter of fact, we never made it to the point of ejaculation. For some reason, my ChurchBoy-ish morals and values were popping in mind and I just couldn’t. I don’t know what’s happening to me, but I think the older I become I start placing healthy relationship in priority over good relations.

I volunteered to take him home. I figured that if the boy did all he did to come to me, the least I could do would be to take him home. As we were getting ready to leave, we passionately kissed again. Afterwards, we hugged. We hugged good too…kinda reminds me of this nerd I once hugged and felt an incredible vibe – he knows who he is.

Anyway, he left the first season of The Golden Girls over my house – so, I’ve been watching that for quite some time now. I’m just about the finish the entire season. That night we talked for about 15 minutes. We recapped our evening and thanked each other for their rightful contribution. We then planned our next evening together. We said our good nights and that was that.

I’m late with the post…that was last week. This week: We’ve moved into the pre-dating status. The status right before you formally acknowledge, “hey…we’re dating.” I’m proud of myself too. Why, you ask? Well, I’m proud because of the way I’ve handled our encounter. I am prioritizing what’s important at this point. My work is my primary reason for relocating. That’s been #1. Rest has been second in command. This way I can be productive at work. He notices that – he doesn’t like it that much either, but he did mention that he completely respects that. Why are majority of the East Coast boyz always wanting to hang out and take up the night life? I’ve noticed that. Call me country, slow-paced, whatever…I just believe in a fair amount of coming home…and doing absolutely nothing.

Oh yea, speaking of East Coast – the Puerto Rican Day parade in New York…I was there – goodness. Just call me Star Jones…cuz this ChurchBoy was definitely enjoying the view!

A Few Days Late...No Dollars Short!!!

2005-06-12T10:53:00.000-07:00

Yea, Yea, I know I'm late with this one - but hey, it's better NATE (We'll blog about him before the week is over) than ever, right? So CARIBE and I are doing pretty good at this point. Actually better than expected. They always say, what you don't know won't hurt you, right?

Well, before I decided to move to the East Coast, or shall I say as I was preparing, I did a little proactive research. I live by the 5 P's (Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance). Honestly, I mean that! So, I wanted to make sure all my ducks were lined in one row - it's easier to take inventory that way. So, I used a dandy little Internet resource that we all so respectfully know as A4A. Here is where I was able to take that peak into what the flavor of the city was going to be like. Here is also where I begin converasation with GENE. He is a rather attractive low-30 something year old Black guy that grew up in the Carribbean and now resides in New York. Ha...must be my luck cuz here's yet another guy w/dreads. His weren't the kind that were extremely neat, but they lay in such a pattern that well - it was sexy on him. I'd never try such a thing.

So, our schedules had been hectic. Before I moved, we'd have plenty of conversations about when we'd meet, etc. Let me tell you - we tried, and tried, and tried. And one thing I learned is that the East Coast Boyz are definitely spontaneous. So, I'm resting and relaxing waiting for CARIBE to show up within the next hour or so and guess who call my phone and says they're about to get onto the Holland Tunnel. None other than GENE. So he asks and I approve. So, within 10 minutes I got a phone call that says I just parked the car. It took me a while to respond. I mean at this time I was completely caught off guard. We had just discussed only meeting each other and that would take place on the corner. So, why was this guy parking his car? When I got downstairs - I checked him out. I know I was completely out of my mind, but it was enough to say, "Hey...do u wanna come upstairs?" I know...I know...I know...it was completely dumb move for me, but hey, I was vulnerable.

So here I am - upstairs in my livingroom with GENE waiting on CARIBE to show up any minute and tell me he's around the corner. Let me tell you - was there sexual tension??? Hell to the yeah! We were laid all up watching TV - I know it's weird, I really can't explain it - but church, look at ya neighbor and say "the vibe was right!" Although I was rather tired, I was in a very relaxed state - hell, he felt good. Next thing you know, the nigga went straight for the ear. I can't explain it but 20 minutes later we were in the bathroom washing each other off.

See, he started it. We were on the couch watching TV - he noticed I was tired. He pulled me closer into him and told me to rest my head right on his chest. Well, rest is what I did. I noticed that he smelled refreshing. I took note of that - he must have been plainning this. Well, there was him parking instead of meeting me like we originally said - then he smelled too fresh to "have been out since 6 AM." I dismissed it and enjoyed the moment - who knew if this would happen again. So, he went in for my ear. I groaned...the right way - just to let him know that I was enjoying what he was doing. I turned my head slightly so I could smell when he breathed. Well, that was to let me know if the niggas breath was fresh. Ain't shit like kissing a nigga with stank breath - that's the pits. So, he was fresh enough - and we kissed. PASSIONATELY. As I kissed him, my hand did some "touring." I found a few good spots. How do I know? Well, his response of course. This nigga was so into it that he was trying to kiss me and moan in pleasure at the same time - a definite turn on.

So, I was suggesting that we were taking this a bit far. That's until he agreed - told me I was correct. And leaned over to unzip my pants and suck my dick. Now listen - I'm not a big pre-cummer - I mean, hey - I barely do the shit...unless the foreplay is soooo good, then I'm dripping like a leaky faucet. I was surpised to see what this moment had done. I'm confused- cuz I don't know if it was the passion from our session or if it was just cuz I ain't been touched in a minute. Anyway - I didn't worry about it too much. We sucked, and liked, and kissed...and repeated the cycle over again until we both reached our climax. Him first...then me.

Yes, you could have imagined we were over our time like Daley was over budget building Millennium Park anyway, the phone rang quite a few times. I know CARIBE was going to be upset with me. Anyway - we finally ended. I figured there was no sense in lying so during conversation, GENE knew that I was expecting company - and he knew who it was. Hell, I'm not entanged with anyone - so, there's no need to hide anything. That mentality was all fine and dandy except for when I got ready to let GENE out. I had completely forgotten that I'd given my expected company my address and my apartment number. In retrospect at that moment, I was thinking if it was possible for someone to get into the buildling...the answer was yes. Here it is...a possibility that CARIBE could be standing outside my front door.

I felt like the Pied Piper...trapped. So, I did a elementary school move. You know, when you had company at home and your parents came home earlier than expected. He hid in my bedroom until I made sure the coast was clear. I looked through the peep hole and I could hear some commotion on the other side of my door. My heart was literally racing. I opened the door and I didn't see anyone. I signaled to GENE that the coast was clear. That was until I heard a familiar accent coming from in front of me, "What have you been doing - I have been standing outside trying to call you forever...."

GENE ran back into my bed room as soon as he heard the noise...

Ra.chel R.ay...I love her!!!

2005-06-08T08:05:00.000-07:00

Yes - this is something that most folks don't know about The ChurchBoy - but yes, I am secretly in love with the Fo.od Net.work. I can literally sit down and watch the channel as though it’s situation comedy. I am totally addicted. I literally watch the shows every day…all day. I have been addicted for years now. It started with Em.eril – the escaladed from there. At this point 80% of what I watch on television is on channel 73…the Fo.od Net.work.

Why am I divulging this information? Well, it’s to discuss one simple phrase, “all the rave!” Okay, So – I was watching 30 minute meals (which means that in the time it takes you to watch this program, I’ll have made a healthy and nutritious meal for all to enjoy – you have to watch the show to get it), I noticed something about Rachel Ray. Well, besides her being overtly happy all the time, she mentions something that’s new and all the rave…grilled salads. Apparently it’s where you take the hearts of romaine (or similar) and literally grill them in a grill pan. You can drizzle dressing and oil for a really tasty treat. It’s really all the rave!

What is it you ask me? What else is all the rave? Ah, Antigan boyz – of course.

Well, let me explain. So, I meet with SMIRKY as planned. We hit it off even better than expected. We ended up walking around Liberty State Park and we enjoyed a really good conversation under a tree looking directly at the Statue of Liberty. We ended up sitting there and he asked if he could hold me. Let me tell you – was I apprehensive? HELL NO! It’s been MONTHS since I’ve had this type of interaction and this church boy seized the damn opportunity! Can the church say A-MAN to that?

We did a little sexual playing – but nothing that mother would be upset at me about. But, I must say, if anything is too good to be true, then sometimes it really is. (Side-Note…niggas with neat ass dreads are the bomb – I’m so in love). So, our conversation ended up leading us to talking about our pasts, our presents, and of course – our futures. I found out that he was leaving in a few weeks to go back to school in California. So, although he mentioned his interest and showed it a few times, with interest, we came to the unsightly conclusion that we would remain friends and let the platonic road of life take its course. Before we left to go our separate ways, he did say he’d been thinking about something;

ChurchBoy: What, what is it? Go ahead and tell me.
SMIRKY: Nah, that’s okay (grabs my hand to continue to lead the path)
ChurchBoy: NO, seriously – what is it…I can handle it.
SMIRKY: No, It’s goofy – nevermind.
ChurchBoy: Come on – what is it?
SMIRKY: Okay, promise me you won’t be upset.
ChurchBoy: Okay, I promise I won’t be upset.
SMIRKY: Aiight, it’s just that I’ve been looking at you and watching you. And well, since I won’t be here there’s nothing that you and I can start. But, I have a friend – and you are completely his type. He likes guys just like you and well, I was wondering if you’d be interested.
ChurchBoy: Well, I don’t really do blind dates – but tell me about him.

So, literally – I’m thinking what do I do. Was I nervous? Yup – of course. I’ve never had this happen before. Then there’s a bunch of things that begin to go through your mind. Will he like me? Will I like him? What does he do for a living? Does he smoke? Does he have a good retirement plan? LOL – I mean, those are all questions that ran through my mind…and a few more. Ya know – how was the brother’s body…was he cute...can he kiss…does he have all his teeth.

At about 12:30 AM, my phone ring – not noticing the number, my voice reflects that:

ChurchBoy: Hello
Caribe: Yea, my name is Caribe – I got your number from my friend SMIRKY
ChurchBoy: (noticing the accent) – Yea, what’s up? How u doin?
Caribe: Good, I’m good – you?
ChurchBoy: I’m good – can’t complain

*an ackward moment happened *

Caribe: So, how weird is this?

So well, needless to say at about 2 AM, an hour and a half later, we were saying our good nights. I mentioned to him that I had to get up early because I had a conference to attend and I had to travel to get there. This nigga actually called me yesterday morning to make sure I was up. Before we hung up – we wished each other a good day – and we made plans to meet the same evening. (He was more up front than I was…a definite turn-on)

So, he calls me and tells me he’s just getting off the Metro and is approaching my house. So, I was oiling my body (ain’t shit worse than a rusty dark skinned nigga) and playing a healthy game of Bid Whist online. He soon called and told me that he was downstairs. Still, not knowing what to expect, I made the trip to the front door – down the stairs – and into the lobby to let him in.

I have to tell you a bunch of things ran through my head when I was going down the stairs. But, eventually – I met him. I must say, homeboy definitely had it going on. Going on to the point where I was almost like, “Dayum…OK!” After about 2 minutes of initial conversation (the time it took to guarantee we definitely had a vibe) I invited him upstairs. He agreed to come up. We talked…a lot. I found out we have a lot in common. I had some ol’ school music playing in the background – ya know, EWF, Gladys, Aretha, Ojay’s, etc. There was definitely a strong vibe going on. What was cute was that we kept touching each other during conversation…that was hot.

Why do I say Antigan boyz are all the rave? Well, it’s just because they are. They’re nice and plump in all the right places (trust me, I have the gift of discernment), they offer great conversation, they have this sweet innocence, and well, not many of them are ugly. I must say, ol’ boy is definitely nice – he’s 6’1, 190, a little lighter than me, nice fade, nice facial hair, a killer smile, dressed right, and he smelled right! The ultimate for me is definitely the damn accent – it had me going ALL NIGHT!

Anyway, at about midnight we decided to end our night. We shared nothing more than a hug. He called me when he got home – we recapped our evening. There were some things we didn’t get a chance to do…that’s why he’s coming over again tonight.

We’re PLAN on watching the 1st season of Golden Girls – he has it on DVD and we both love the show. Thank you for being a friend…travel down the road and back again…ya know my heart is true, you’re a pal and a confidant…thank you for being a friend.

Lift my hands and say what???

2005-06-06T11:58:00.000-07:00

Okay - I must admit - this is starting to bother me. I think it's important to have a church home...don't you? Well, I ended up going to another church in my quest for a place to pay tithes and offerings and guess what? You wouldn't believe it.

First of all, please tell me what is up with homos directing the choir? Now, listen - let me first say that I have nothing against homos - hey, I'm family myself. Then I have nothing against choirs - the name says it all. But, why does every choir have to have a guy directing who just so happens to have a noticeable limp wrist? I've visited two churches since I've been here - I'm not too sure about the first church - but look at ya neighbor and say "on yesterday."

First of all the boy wasn't no older than 16 years old. Not only did he appear to be obviously filled with the precious gift of the "Homo-ghost," but homegirl definitely exemplified all the signs:

Led 75% of the songs and sang 25% on key
Shouted at least twice
Lastly, but not least - when it was his turn to sing he looked as though the audience was getting on his nerves when he knew damn well he wanted to sing them goofy ass songs.

I swear, I tried to get w/the program - but it was extremely difficult to do so. Someone should invent some type of meter that prewarns the visitors like me of the Homo-level of the church. I don't know...I just can't get w/too much homo activity inside the church. Let's save it for after church - lol.

Well, since East Coast and I have come to the ends of what is and was to come, and since a nigga has his DSL @ the crib, and seeing as though I haven't had any type of sexual experience for months now, and seeing as though I'm tired of jacking off - I've found myself um...let's just say finding very innovative ways to meet people.

I've played w/the chat line (I must tell you of my experiences). I've also dabbled a bit w/A4A & M4N. Let's say, I've had positive results. But, most interestingly I recently tried UFP - Up front and Personal. I went into a local office supply store - I won't say the name, just to keep some level of anonymity.

The greeter was HOT!!! Lemme tell you - just like I like 'em. SMIRKY was brown skinned, tall, thick, had neatly arranged dreads, perfect white teeth, and a smile to make you write home about. (All I have to do is by a stamp and I'll be all set). So, why did I want him to help me when I couldn't find the product I was looking for. He told me to follow him, ha, that's just what I did. Eventually, we started talking. I threw in the "oh yea, I'm new to the area" diversion of the conversation - before you knew it, we exchanged telephone numbers. We're hanging out tonight...let's see what kinda smirk I'll have tomorrow...

Join me in celebrating...

2005-06-03T07:31:00.000-07:00

So, I've made it here and I'm about 80% settled. I still have a ways to go though. Some things that I've noticed:

I can't find an Italian Beef nowhere. My people's from home know exactly what I'm talking about. You see, this is the ultimate of cuisines in Chicago. It starts with a rump roast with a nice amount of fatty marbeling. It's slow roasted in spices and its own juices just until its a bit before fork tender. It's thinly sliced and set back in the juices and seasonings to get nice and tender. This process takes at least 14 hours. The meat is then put atop crusty french bread. My personal favorite: garlic toasted french bread, with the sandwich dipped in juice until the bread is soaked, topped with American and Provolone cheeses and drizzled with hot pepper oil and vinagerette. Yup, that's how you do it. Can I find a spot over here on the East Coast...nope.
Target...is a fool! I went to Target over here and let me tell you, nothing matched. NOTHING! If the price was 24.99 on the sign, the product was literally a different price. I argued the clerk and the manager to give me that shower curtain for the $14.99 price on the sign, they told me it rang up as $19.99 and I'd have to pay that price. After 10 minutes, a brotha saved $5.00. Lesson to all - as the consumer, you control things! If they wanted to control the price, they'd control the way they stock their inventory.
Resturants...are nasty as EVER! Plain and simple...why would I buy fried chicken from a place that has Middle Eastern people in the background. No offense to the people, but they don't know much about frying chicken. That's evident to the non-existent lunch rush they experience daily. Not to mention, if they can't keep the floor clean, do you think they can actually clean a chicken thigh without any problem?
Parking...please let's not mention this. My rental truck was stolen. My car was also towed and impounded for parking in a LEGAL parking spot. Again, after some conversations, I was able to get them to waive all the fees and give me my car. I picked it up - everything was in tact EXCEPT for that chakly writing they put on your front windshield. I have to get some old school potion to get rid of all those marks. That's going to be fun.

Beyond that, my new home on the East Coast is cool. I must say, the East Coast does have the best view of the boys. Everywhere you look, there are boys. And not just ordinary people, I'm talking about "damn, that nigga if fine" type of boys. So...that's hot! I've gotten my feet wet in a few social aspects of the city, being EXTREMELY careful of course - good results, that's all I wanna say - lol.

But let me get this off my chest. Now that I'm officialy out of the Corporate America world, I must get this off my chest. I've been holding it in for the past 7 years of my Corporate America stint. And don't act like yall don't do this either, but - taking dump was extremely difficult. No for real, you may call it something different. I've heard, the number 2, laying down your burdens, feeling God stretching out in you, the BG's (Bubble Guts), combination abomination...I mean, hey - however you identify it, it's difficult to do in Corporate America. Why? Well, I don't know - I think it's moreso fear of the unknown. You know, fear that people will see you going in the bathroom and then see you coming out 15 minutes later...in their mind, you know their thinking "damn, this nigga just shitted...ha, ha, ha." Or maybe it's because the other Black folks, especially some of the cute men will catch you in the action of release - and you become embarrassed. Well, whatever it is, just join me in my celebration. I have been liberated. I am free. I no longer have to do the boo-boo scout walk (that walk where you go in the bathroom to see who's in there and if someone is, then you act like you have to pee or you just wash your hands and leave. And all the while, your stomach is about to bubble over and kill you cuz you just ate moo-shoos and beef and broocoli for lunch). I no longer have to wonder who's in the bathroom with me by listening to the voices while I'm on the toilet. I was so bad, that i'd be done dookeying (LOL) and I'd hear some brothas come into the bathroom, I'd sit there until I knew for sure they were gone. There was a few incidents where I was caught - and I walked as fast as I could back to my cubicle. But join me in celebation...it's over!

For real...I do???

2005-05-23T14:51:00.000-07:00

So, I made it...let's just say I've made it both mentally and physically.

Physically, this was extremely challenging. First off - a 14 hour drive when you're tired as ever is extremely difficult...doesn't matter if you're driving or just going along for the ride. My boy - he's wonderful. I met him at my old job, well my job before the last - we've been really good friends ever since. Despite our sexual orientation, we continue to enjoy the friendship that we've built to this point. It's refreshing...to say the least. Yea (here's your answer, you know who) he is fine as hell. He's short, compared to me. He's 5'9, weighs about 175, has about 3% body fat, 6 pack abs, hairy body, works out 5 days a week, and is mixed with African-American and Puerto Rican...so he has "good hair." Am I attracted to him...at first, I was. Now, it doesn't phase me...as much. So despite popular predictions, we enjoyed our 14 hour drive with no sexual tension, innuendos, subtexts, or hints. Besides, he drove most of the way while I slept - hell, I was tired. So yea, I made it!

My mother, she didn't come to my celebration. I wasn't surprised. Again, I've begun the process of mental reconciliation. So yea, I made it!

Mentally, I've done something that I never thought I would do. Depending on the power of God in theory is quite simple for simplistic activites. More complex activites, well, that requires a more complex type of dependency. Hence, cause and effect becomes true! After doing something that required nothing but the Man himself, I am resting in the hope and faith that I've had to build over the last 23 years. Let's see how far it gets me. What's ironic is I expect it to take me farther than I think I can realize. That's just how crazy I am. I'm satisfied that where I am at this point is where I need to be. I figured the only way to experience what one longs for is to put themselves right into the very essence of vulnerability. That's what I did - and let me tell you, at first this was a hard pill to swallow. But, with anything - the more you do it, the easier it becomes. So guess what, I made it!

Right now, I'm getting settled. It's definitely an adjustment. The people have an accent...all of them. I'm sure in less than a month I'll have one too.

Until later...

Check Please...

2005-05-17T10:44:00.001-07:00

What's up Fam...

I got a ton of emotions running around in my head right now. I just read some disturbing news from East Coast. Just when I think I'm making progress, I'm not. Anyway, with that going on - and a few other things happening in my life and mind right now, I can't deal with this too well. I've never had a mental break down - not saying I'm there cuz I don't know how it feels - but I just feel like staying in the bed, eating bon bons, watching soap operas, and walking around the house doing absolutely nothing. LOL - that's funny. Anyway - I need to take a short break. I have some other things I need to focus on - like my move this weekend.

I'm not sure when my DSL will be in place at my new place out east, so I don't know when I'll be back on tbe blogging scene - it won't be too long thoough, but I'll be back soon.
--
With each bite of you that I consume slowly
I'm trying to fill the void that others left empty
It's me they try to avoid!

I should have been a chicken, right?

2005-05-13T08:53:00.000-07:00

Well, that dude started it. I know, I know - you're right she still is who she is, but damn yo - how much will I have to take. I mean there has to be another way around this, right? Isn't it supposed to be different that what it is now?

Last week, I compared my self to the chickens in Key West. Today, I'm still comparing myself. Let's just say while walking down the oblivious path to destiny, I responded to some "obstacles" in the road. Moreso, just physically doing what I could do to make my journey easier. Well, in the process, mother dearest caught a hold of some stuff. As you might imagine, her response wasn't the greatest.

Here's the conversation from last night as I remember it:
--
The Phone (Where would I be without your love, where would I be without your grace)
**You have to have called me in order to understand**

Me: Hello
Her: The Church Boy, Why did you lie like you did?
Me: What do you mean?
Her: This damn newsletter - you stretched the motherfuckin' truth.
Me: In what part? What do you mean?
Her: You know damn well what I mean. You said all this shit, but you never said what the hell you did.
Me: So, the scars I have and all the things that happened weren't true.
Her: You know damn well you had every damn thing until you started acting a fool.
Me: As a child, I was acting a fool?
Her: You know what - FUCK YOU!

My phone displayed the call was ended and the amount of time spent in the conversation, which was no more than 1 minute.
--
How do I feel?I don't feel hurt or surprised, I'm used to this. It's hard to view this situation through a typical "mother-son" type of view. Moreso at this point, I view this as an "adult-adult" type of view. What makes me say damn is the fact that in the 21st Century, the year 2005, two people - two adults - two Christians - can't disagree in an agreeable way. That's the biggest issue for me. How can two adults not be able to stop and simply talk about issues and work towards a resolution?

Yea, that's how I feel.

No4real4real - I know she's my mother - but damn, why does it have to be like this. Check out the "I'm Officially an East Coaster" post. That's my story. That's the shit I've had to deal with for so damn long! Just like my new poem:

My Question Is
My question still remains - ain't it funny just the way life goes?
From the front line of the pawn, to the side bar of the rook, and to the status of the bishop is the way I'm supposed
To move in this status of life
It should be free from strife
No pain, all joy, no sorrow
I'm sitting here, typing in my blog realizing the same problems from yesterday are the same problems I'll deal with tomorrow.

Keep me in yalls prayers...I'm vulnerable as hell right now. I need a hug!

In Reflection...

2005-05-10T07:46:00.000-07:00

These are some entries that I wrote while I was in my cabin. As soon at I learn how to post these damn pictures you guys will get a nice visual to see what went down while I was on the cruise. If someone knows how to post pics - get at ya boy!

Friday

Today…it’s a good day. How do I feel? I feel good – I feel blessed. I really couldn’t sleep all that well. I went to bed after making sure all my bags were packed. It was about 12 midnight. The remnants of excitement had already set in. I was geeked! So, I went to sleep – only able to sleep 3 hours, I was up and ready to roll. My godmother would be there to pick me up at 5 AM. I kept doing my checks, something I learned from my mother, just so that I wouldn’t forget anything. I kept going over in my mind, “socks – check, underwear – check, this – check, that – check.” Convinced I had everything, I zipped the one piece of luggage and I was ready to roll.

Going on in the news? Well, Tony Blair won a third term in office as the Prime Minister. Officials speculate that’s why someone set off two bombs on the front of the consulate in Manhattan. Remember the Bradley girls, from Chicago? The girls that came up missing 4 years ago and haven’t been found since. I always thought the mother was on something goofy – I still do as a matter of fact, but that’s neither here or there. Well, they found some bones recently on Chicago’s south side. Forensic scientists still have to do their research to determine what the deal is. So, you and I both are awaiting the results. In Ebony this month, there’s an interesting article. Can friends really be lovers? They used the stories from Tichina Arnold, Mo’nique, and Deborah Cox to base the story. It’s really very interesting. I wish they could have shown this from the African American homosexual perspective.

Suffering from the onset of a cold and/or sinus attack, I get in the car. We’re off – within the next hour I’m sitting in terminal B20 eating my turkey and Swiss from Potbelly’s…a definite must have whenever I fly outta Midway – just call it my tradition. Three hours later – and plenty of gagging from here to there, we’ve landed in stuffy ass Ft. Lauderdale and waiting on our coach bus to Miami. Let me tell you: call me Star Jones, cuz I was definitely enjoying the view. Please allow me to take a station break to thank God for his creation of the Black male. There were specimens of all shapes, all colors, all sizes – each beautiful in their on way. Including a pair with their girlfriends who kept “looking” each time they had the opportunity. Even on the bus…and come to find out – they also boarded the same ship as us.

It’s amazing to me that this ship on this water has the ability to carry 4000 people and all the other amenities. This is a definite must-go whenever one can afford it. Note to self: next time, please bring a significant other. I’m extremely vulnerable right now (more on this later). My thoughts keep going back to East Coast and our previous conversations from this week. Regardless of the outcome, I kept dreaming he was holding me while we slept, waking to feel the slight rock of the ship in the water…then we’d be back off to sleep again. There is an early rise for me as my crew and I are doing breakfast at 7:00. Until then…

So…today is Friday. I had to stop and think about that. Somehow, it’s easy to lose track of time. I have an inside stateroom cabin. That means that I don’t have a window. Once all the lights are turned out, you lose all sense of time. With the constant smooth rocking of the vessel, the down comforters, the light breeze effect setting of the thermostat, and the light buzz of flavored vodka and mixed juices…it’s extremely easy to get whisked away in the land of Mr. Sandman. It’s something everyone needs to experience. It’s really a certain form of pleasure that can’t be simulated.

As I lay here typing, we are on our way to Cozumel, Mexico. We are sailing from Key West, Florida. A nice town it was. Funny…but nice. I was wondering, what ever happened to southern hospitality? The natives were nice, just a long as you didn’t ask any questions. I know where the hospitality went…to the chickens. Get a load of this. Now, in Urban America we have pigeons EVERYWHERE! In Key West, they have chickens EVERYWHERE. The chickens just walk around making their chicken sounds as if they didn’t see us wondering why the hell they out and around. You can even catch a glimpse of a load of baby chickens following Mama Chicken around as she takes care of them, making sure they eat as well. I was thinking – that’s some funny shit. But, state law says you can’t kill them either.

That showmanship of the institution of family is something to be envied. Through media, movies, sitcoms, and many other vehicles of communication, it’s deemed that the proper way to live includes a strong “mother-child” bond. I wish that were the case for everyone. I’m assuming the world would be a much better place.

Since I was in Key West, I was able to get a signal on my cell phone. So, after checking my 13 messages (people just don’t listen…I told them I would be gone, but nooo – everyone still wants to think I’m at home) I get a message from my aunt. I call her back an she says that my mother had been looking for me. Now, that’s a rarity. I’ve envisioned the day when some family member will call me and tell me that something’s terribly wrong with my mother.

I return the phone call to my mother. She tells me some indifferent information about a recent waitress that had served my friends and I at a recent outing. As the conversation came to a conclusion, I reminded her about my celebration for relocating. She asked me what day it was, so I told her. Her response, “Oh, I’m not going to be able to make it – that’s the same day as my Pastor’s anniversary and I’m on the committee. I have to be there.” My response, “OK!” Seconds later I terminated the call.

I’ve vowed a long time ago not to let her actions get to the best of me. This time, on my vacation, my attitude remains the same. I’m going to mail her some things and I’ll let her final decision lay upon her. This is possibly the last time she has to see her son and she’s going to be at her store front church with three pews celebrating her Pastor – the man she didn’t give birth to. Hey, it’s her choice. Maybe I should have been a chicken, at least my Mama Hen would have made sure I was okay.

Sunday

I’m thinking…what should I do next. I just came back from the breakfast buffet and I was able to catch the tail end of Taxi with Queen Latifah. From what I was able to tell, the movie was actually quite interesting. Well, I shouldn’t probably second guess anything that the Oscar-nominated actress is acting in. Note to self: her boyfriend in the movie is really rather attractive.

Speaking of attractive, I’ll tell you what’s not: working on a cruise ship. I never knew some of the things that went on – I couldn’t even fathom, but thanks to Allan, our homosexual top from the Philippines who also acted as our waiter, we learned a lot of things. I never knew that there aren’t any cruise ships registered in the USA. The reason being: the labor laws. It would be very expensive for many cruise lines to keep their ships afloat if they had to obey the laws of non-exempt regulations. Even the balance of work & play laws would be too much. We found out that many of the cruise employees work a minimum of 10 hours a day and work all 7 days. They sleep in a room with two bunks that look like Alcatraz. The average pay of a waiter is about $1000 US dollars a month. That’s equivalent to about 12K a year. But when you consider the power of the almighty dollar, that can easily be about 30K in other parts of the world. Now, that’s amazing.

So yesterday we braved the humid, stank ass heat of the Isle de Cozumel to do some shopping and have an opportunity to sample Mexican cuisine at its best. Let me first say, I’m almost upset I don’t drink. The alcohol prices are close to nothing – 4 bottles of flavored absolute for $17. I’m thinking about taking up the hobby. The colognes and perfumes were also slightly below average, but not too much to take advantage of the prices. And all the shops – they were duty and tax free – which meant that what you see, is what you pay. Pretty interesting.

So, we hop of the vessel and make our way throughout the port – which is designed to make you spend money BEFORE you even get into Cozumel. We take a $14 taxi into al centro (downtown) and it’s all up hill from there. I’m thankful that my 8 years of Spanish is safely tucked under my belt – because not a bitch spoke English. Their attitude, “we don’t have to – you’re in our country mothafucka!!!” And you could tell…

It was interesting. I was the only one in my group that spoke the language “fluentamente.” What was even more funnier was the fact that as soon as we docked, my gay ass friend started talking in this horrible Puerto Rican accent. It was hilarious – and wouldn’t stop the ENTIRE time we were in Mexico. We did some shopping – the fact that I was able to speak Spanish helped cuz I was able to dwindle the prices down some on some jewelry (veinte dos y no menos)…they were flipped out and went with the price – but only for “cash money.” Apparently they didn’t want pesos – but they preferred the almighty dollar. Even more funny was the fact that my paranoid ass didn’t even carry cash. So, I had to go to the cajero automatico (ATM) and I pushed 20 dollars…the machine gave me 200.00 pesos. Again, HILARIOUS. I was flipped out. So, I had to learn the trade amount FAST, so they wouldn’t try to jip me outta my money, or should I say my pesos.

We ended up at a really nice Mexican restaurant that offered us free margaritas with our lunch – so we ate. The live band was singing R&B songs from the states…only to their music and their beats. They completed fucked up Usher’s “You Got it Bad.” We ordered, and guess what – the waiter spoke NO ENGLISH. I was falling out as my friends tried to place their order, eventually I took over and placed everyone’s order.

After more shopping in what seemed like Chicago’s Jew Town or the infamous “Madison & Pulaski” section of Mexico, we ended up back at the vessel. Just in time for dinner which included prime rib & lobster tails. After we were done, we all retreated to our rooms. I think it was about 11 PM at this time, the next thing I knew was 9 AM when I received our call for breakfast in 30 minutes…

All I’ve been doing is sleeping…sleeping in the day, sleeping in the afternoon, and even sleeping in the night. Like now…I’m yawning – good night!

Don't cha know no good?

2005-05-05T02:50:00.000-07:00

Aiight - so, I'm out! I've been up since 3 this morning. I'm too damn excited! On my way out to Cozumel, Key West & Ochos Rios...I'll holla when I return on Tuesday!

My first post...

2005-05-04T08:40:00.000-07:00

Praise The Lord Saints!

So, I have decided...to follow Jesus, I have decided, to follow Jesus, no turning back - no turning back. For yall that don't go to church and ain't been in Sunday School - you've missed it. Sorry, I had a flashback - we used to sing that back in my primary sunday school days. With that damn book with the country ass picture of a church on the front.

Anyway, I've decided to make the switch. I'm switching every damn thing else - so why not switch blogs. Besides, I've come to learn through my experiences over the last two years of blogging that Blog.spot is better than Blog.drive. (Big ups to The Blog Police for hooking me up to the world of blogging) So, I've joined the rest of society and made the step up.

How does it feel? I'm not sure yet. It's definitely more complicated to use than the other service...but, with some training I'll be cool.

Well, I'm going to apologize in advance. I'm out to Cozumel, Key West, and Ochos Rios in the morning. My first time cruising...I'm going to be acting a fool! I'll have my laptop with me so I'll be able to keep some nosey ass people involved w/what's going on. I'm still sexless and really vulnerable right now. My prayer is that a really cute island boy notices me and decides to have his way with me...ha!