Huh? What did you say?
Hmm - It always surprises me. I guess I'm this person who's ever evolving and it just always fucking surprises me when I find out something about myself that I didn't know before. You know, I'm learning me. After a conversation on IM this morning with a friend of mine about some issues he was having I was feeling good. Why? Well, I guess I was feeling good because I was able to help him look at this problems through a different perspective. What this does is allows one to prosper - you know, push through their current situation that was unseemingly unbearable into now being able to surmount the issue at hand with a band new pair of boots. So, when you're able to help someone do that, you feel good. Until you start thinking about your own shit.So, I started thinking and I was like, "damn yo, I'm confused as hell." Why am I confused you ask? Well, because I am wondering what do I really want? Well, what I mean is this - I really kinda know what life is all about. I mean my career is working itself, my finances are in order, I've moved to a new city, I'm growing, I'm maturing - on that front things are working out just fine. But, my romantic life is in complete shambles. Now, I'm not one of those people that let work run their lives - so that's not the answer. Once work is over, then that's it - a bitch is ghost. But, I now fine myself filling my lonely hours thinking about the pleasure of a nice romantic time with "him." Whoever "him" may be. But, do I really want romance? There are times (even in recent weeks) where my search has ended up with many possibilities...some have ended in sex (never penetration), a few have not. But after sex, then I'm fine. I can run on and see what the end is going to be. But, is that healthy? Is it healthy to have a sexual escapade and continue to live life without ever having the whims and caprices of the romantics show up in my daily activity? I wonder...anyway - I'm not sure what I want. I know it'd be nice to meet someone, but then I could possibly get bored with that one person - and then variety becomes the spice of life. But then, I dig someone who I'm into just as much as they're into me (which doesn't happen often). Because then, we both work at making that dating shit exciting - you know, doing movies, restaurants (which is how I found my new favorite place), musuems, walks in the park, etc.
I guess what I'm saying is that I want that shit to happen - but then do I really? Do I just want to bust a nut and keep living life? Yea, I'm confused as hell right now. Alright, I took a break from the Good Times marathon on TVLand to post my demented ass thoughts- back to watching them ghetto asses from Chicago's Cabrini Green housing projects that was really taped in LA.
Till We Meet Again,
The ChurchBoy
PS. Isn't it ironic that I was just talking about Good Times last week from my escapade in Brooklyn and then all of a sudden I'm in my bath robe and comfy slippers watching the marathon...the WHOLE DAMN THING?!?!
This entry was posted
on Saturday, July 23, 2005 at 1:41 PM.
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Two cents left by:The questions you're asking yourself are not unusual. A lot of people wonder about these same things, so don't think it's just you. There aren't any easy answers here, you just have to take some more time and think about what you really want. You're still a very young man, so there's no hurry to get into a serious relationship. Take your time.
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