A day in the life of...

So, I made it...let's just say I've made it both mentally and physically.

Physically, this was extremely challenging. First off - a 14 hour drive when you're tired as ever is extremely difficult...doesn't matter if you're driving or just going along for the ride. My boy - he's wonderful. I met him at my old job, well my job before the last - we've been really good friends ever since. Despite our sexual orientation, we continue to enjoy the friendship that we've built to this point. It's refreshing...to say the least. Yea (here's your answer, you know who) he is fine as hell. He's short, compared to me. He's 5'9, weighs about 175, has about 3% body fat, 6 pack abs, hairy body, works out 5 days a week, and is mixed with African-American and Puerto Rican...so he has "good hair." Am I attracted to him...at first, I was. Now, it doesn't phase me...as much. So despite popular predictions, we enjoyed our 14 hour drive with no sexual tension, innuendos, subtexts, or hints. Besides, he drove most of the way while I slept - hell, I was tired. So yea, I made it!

My mother, she didn't come to my celebration. I wasn't surprised. Again, I've begun the process of mental reconciliation. So yea, I made it!

Mentally, I've done something that I never thought I would do. Depending on the power of God in theory is quite simple for simplistic activites. More complex activites, well, that requires a more complex type of dependency. Hence, cause and effect becomes true! After doing something that required nothing but the Man himself, I am resting in the hope and faith that I've had to build over the last 23 years. Let's see how far it gets me. What's ironic is I expect it to take me farther than I think I can realize. That's just how crazy I am. I'm satisfied that where I am at this point is where I need to be. I figured the only way to experience what one longs for is to put themselves right into the very essence of vulnerability. That's what I did - and let me tell you, at first this was a hard pill to swallow. But, with anything - the more you do it, the easier it becomes. So guess what, I made it!

Right now, I'm getting settled. It's definitely an adjustment. The people have an accent...all of them. I'm sure in less than a month I'll have one too.

Until later...

What's up Fam...

I got a ton of emotions running around in my head right now. I just read some disturbing news from East Coast. Just when I think I'm making progress, I'm not. Anyway, with that going on - and a few other things happening in my life and mind right now, I can't deal with this too well. I've never had a mental break down - not saying I'm there cuz I don't know how it feels - but I just feel like staying in the bed, eating bon bons, watching soap operas, and walking around the house doing absolutely nothing. LOL - that's funny. Anyway - I need to take a short break. I have some other things I need to focus on - like my move this weekend.

I'm not sure when my DSL will be in place at my new place out east, so I don't know when I'll be back on tbe blogging scene - it won't be too long thoough, but I'll be back soon.
--
With each bite of you that I consume slowly
I'm trying to fill the void that others left empty
It's me they try to avoid!

Well, that dude started it. I know, I know - you're right she still is who she is, but damn yo - how much will I have to take. I mean there has to be another way around this, right? Isn't it supposed to be different that what it is now?

Last week, I compared my self to the chickens in Key West. Today, I'm still comparing myself. Let's just say while walking down the oblivious path to destiny, I responded to some "obstacles" in the road. Moreso, just physically doing what I could do to make my journey easier. Well, in the process, mother dearest caught a hold of some stuff. As you might imagine, her response wasn't the greatest.

Here's the conversation from last night as I remember it:
--
The Phone (Where would I be without your love, where would I be without your grace)
**You have to have called me in order to understand**

Me: Hello
Her: The Church Boy, Why did you lie like you did?
Me: What do you mean?
Her: This damn newsletter - you stretched the motherfuckin' truth.
Me: In what part? What do you mean?
Her: You know damn well what I mean. You said all this shit, but you never said what the hell you did.
Me: So, the scars I have and all the things that happened weren't true.
Her: You know damn well you had every damn thing until you started acting a fool.
Me: As a child, I was acting a fool?
Her: You know what - FUCK YOU!

My phone displayed the call was ended and the amount of time spent in the conversation, which was no more than 1 minute.
--
How do I feel?I don't feel hurt or surprised, I'm used to this. It's hard to view this situation through a typical "mother-son" type of view. Moreso at this point, I view this as an "adult-adult" type of view. What makes me say damn is the fact that in the 21st Century, the year 2005, two people - two adults - two Christians - can't disagree in an agreeable way. That's the biggest issue for me. How can two adults not be able to stop and simply talk about issues and work towards a resolution?

Yea, that's how I feel.

No4real4real - I know she's my mother - but damn, why does it have to be like this. Check out the "I'm Officially an East Coaster" post. That's my story. That's the shit I've had to deal with for so damn long! Just like my new poem:

My Question Is
My question still remains - ain't it funny just the way life goes?
From the front line of the pawn, to the side bar of the rook, and to the status of the bishop is the way I'm supposed
To move in this status of life
It should be free from strife
No pain, all joy, no sorrow
I'm sitting here, typing in my blog realizing the same problems from yesterday are the same problems I'll deal with tomorrow.

Keep me in yalls prayers...I'm vulnerable as hell right now. I need a hug!

These are some entries that I wrote while I was in my cabin. As soon at I learn how to post these damn pictures you guys will get a nice visual to see what went down while I was on the cruise. If someone knows how to post pics - get at ya boy!

Friday

Today…it’s a good day. How do I feel? I feel good – I feel blessed. I really couldn’t sleep all that well. I went to bed after making sure all my bags were packed. It was about 12 midnight. The remnants of excitement had already set in. I was geeked! So, I went to sleep – only able to sleep 3 hours, I was up and ready to roll. My godmother would be there to pick me up at 5 AM. I kept doing my checks, something I learned from my mother, just so that I wouldn’t forget anything. I kept going over in my mind, “socks – check, underwear – check, this – check, that – check.” Convinced I had everything, I zipped the one piece of luggage and I was ready to roll.

Going on in the news? Well, Tony Blair won a third term in office as the Prime Minister. Officials speculate that’s why someone set off two bombs on the front of the consulate in Manhattan. Remember the Bradley girls, from Chicago? The girls that came up missing 4 years ago and haven’t been found since. I always thought the mother was on something goofy – I still do as a matter of fact, but that’s neither here or there. Well, they found some bones recently on Chicago’s south side. Forensic scientists still have to do their research to determine what the deal is. So, you and I both are awaiting the results. In Ebony this month, there’s an interesting article. Can friends really be lovers? They used the stories from Tichina Arnold, Mo’nique, and Deborah Cox to base the story. It’s really very interesting. I wish they could have shown this from the African American homosexual perspective.

Suffering from the onset of a cold and/or sinus attack, I get in the car. We’re off – within the next hour I’m sitting in terminal B20 eating my turkey and Swiss from Potbelly’s…a definite must have whenever I fly outta Midway – just call it my tradition. Three hours later – and plenty of gagging from here to there, we’ve landed in stuffy ass Ft. Lauderdale and waiting on our coach bus to Miami. Let me tell you: call me Star Jones, cuz I was definitely enjoying the view. Please allow me to take a station break to thank God for his creation of the Black male. There were specimens of all shapes, all colors, all sizes – each beautiful in their on way. Including a pair with their girlfriends who kept “looking” each time they had the opportunity. Even on the bus…and come to find out – they also boarded the same ship as us.

It’s amazing to me that this ship on this water has the ability to carry 4000 people and all the other amenities. This is a definite must-go whenever one can afford it. Note to self: next time, please bring a significant other. I’m extremely vulnerable right now (more on this later). My thoughts keep going back to East Coast and our previous conversations from this week. Regardless of the outcome, I kept dreaming he was holding me while we slept, waking to feel the slight rock of the ship in the water…then we’d be back off to sleep again. There is an early rise for me as my crew and I are doing breakfast at 7:00. Until then…

So…today is Friday. I had to stop and think about that. Somehow, it’s easy to lose track of time. I have an inside stateroom cabin. That means that I don’t have a window. Once all the lights are turned out, you lose all sense of time. With the constant smooth rocking of the vessel, the down comforters, the light breeze effect setting of the thermostat, and the light buzz of flavored vodka and mixed juices…it’s extremely easy to get whisked away in the land of Mr. Sandman. It’s something everyone needs to experience. It’s really a certain form of pleasure that can’t be simulated.

As I lay here typing, we are on our way to Cozumel, Mexico. We are sailing from Key West, Florida. A nice town it was. Funny…but nice. I was wondering, what ever happened to southern hospitality? The natives were nice, just a long as you didn’t ask any questions. I know where the hospitality went…to the chickens. Get a load of this. Now, in Urban America we have pigeons EVERYWHERE! In Key West, they have chickens EVERYWHERE. The chickens just walk around making their chicken sounds as if they didn’t see us wondering why the hell they out and around. You can even catch a glimpse of a load of baby chickens following Mama Chicken around as she takes care of them, making sure they eat as well. I was thinking – that’s some funny shit. But, state law says you can’t kill them either.

That showmanship of the institution of family is something to be envied. Through media, movies, sitcoms, and many other vehicles of communication, it’s deemed that the proper way to live includes a strong “mother-child” bond. I wish that were the case for everyone. I’m assuming the world would be a much better place.

Since I was in Key West, I was able to get a signal on my cell phone. So, after checking my 13 messages (people just don’t listen…I told them I would be gone, but nooo – everyone still wants to think I’m at home) I get a message from my aunt. I call her back an she says that my mother had been looking for me. Now, that’s a rarity. I’ve envisioned the day when some family member will call me and tell me that something’s terribly wrong with my mother.

I return the phone call to my mother. She tells me some indifferent information about a recent waitress that had served my friends and I at a recent outing. As the conversation came to a conclusion, I reminded her about my celebration for relocating. She asked me what day it was, so I told her. Her response, “Oh, I’m not going to be able to make it – that’s the same day as my Pastor’s anniversary and I’m on the committee. I have to be there.” My response, “OK!” Seconds later I terminated the call.

I’ve vowed a long time ago not to let her actions get to the best of me. This time, on my vacation, my attitude remains the same. I’m going to mail her some things and I’ll let her final decision lay upon her. This is possibly the last time she has to see her son and she’s going to be at her store front church with three pews celebrating her Pastor – the man she didn’t give birth to. Hey, it’s her choice. Maybe I should have been a chicken, at least my Mama Hen would have made sure I was okay.


Sunday

I’m thinking…what should I do next. I just came back from the breakfast buffet and I was able to catch the tail end of Taxi with Queen Latifah. From what I was able to tell, the movie was actually quite interesting. Well, I shouldn’t probably second guess anything that the Oscar-nominated actress is acting in. Note to self: her boyfriend in the movie is really rather attractive.

Speaking of attractive, I’ll tell you what’s not: working on a cruise ship. I never knew some of the things that went on – I couldn’t even fathom, but thanks to Allan, our homosexual top from the Philippines who also acted as our waiter, we learned a lot of things. I never knew that there aren’t any cruise ships registered in the USA. The reason being: the labor laws. It would be very expensive for many cruise lines to keep their ships afloat if they had to obey the laws of non-exempt regulations. Even the balance of work & play laws would be too much. We found out that many of the cruise employees work a minimum of 10 hours a day and work all 7 days. They sleep in a room with two bunks that look like Alcatraz. The average pay of a waiter is about $1000 US dollars a month. That’s equivalent to about 12K a year. But when you consider the power of the almighty dollar, that can easily be about 30K in other parts of the world. Now, that’s amazing.

So yesterday we braved the humid, stank ass heat of the Isle de Cozumel to do some shopping and have an opportunity to sample Mexican cuisine at its best. Let me first say, I’m almost upset I don’t drink. The alcohol prices are close to nothing – 4 bottles of flavored absolute for $17. I’m thinking about taking up the hobby. The colognes and perfumes were also slightly below average, but not too much to take advantage of the prices. And all the shops – they were duty and tax free – which meant that what you see, is what you pay. Pretty interesting.

So, we hop of the vessel and make our way throughout the port – which is designed to make you spend money BEFORE you even get into Cozumel. We take a $14 taxi into al centro (downtown) and it’s all up hill from there. I’m thankful that my 8 years of Spanish is safely tucked under my belt – because not a bitch spoke English. Their attitude, “we don’t have to – you’re in our country mothafucka!!!” And you could tell…

It was interesting. I was the only one in my group that spoke the language “fluentamente.” What was even more funnier was the fact that as soon as we docked, my gay ass friend started talking in this horrible Puerto Rican accent. It was hilarious – and wouldn’t stop the ENTIRE time we were in Mexico. We did some shopping – the fact that I was able to speak Spanish helped cuz I was able to dwindle the prices down some on some jewelry (veinte dos y no menos)…they were flipped out and went with the price – but only for “cash money.” Apparently they didn’t want pesos – but they preferred the almighty dollar. Even more funny was the fact that my paranoid ass didn’t even carry cash. So, I had to go to the cajero automatico (ATM) and I pushed 20 dollars…the machine gave me 200.00 pesos. Again, HILARIOUS. I was flipped out. So, I had to learn the trade amount FAST, so they wouldn’t try to jip me outta my money, or should I say my pesos.

We ended up at a really nice Mexican restaurant that offered us free margaritas with our lunch – so we ate. The live band was singing R&B songs from the states…only to their music and their beats. They completed fucked up Usher’s “You Got it Bad.” We ordered, and guess what – the waiter spoke NO ENGLISH. I was falling out as my friends tried to place their order, eventually I took over and placed everyone’s order.

After more shopping in what seemed like Chicago’s Jew Town or the infamous “Madison & Pulaski” section of Mexico, we ended up back at the vessel. Just in time for dinner which included prime rib & lobster tails. After we were done, we all retreated to our rooms. I think it was about 11 PM at this time, the next thing I knew was 9 AM when I received our call for breakfast in 30 minutes…

All I’ve been doing is sleeping…sleeping in the day, sleeping in the afternoon, and even sleeping in the night. Like now…I’m yawning – good night!

Aiight - so, I'm out! I've been up since 3 this morning. I'm too damn excited! On my way out to Cozumel, Key West & Ochos Rios...I'll holla when I return on Tuesday!

Praise The Lord Saints!

So, I have decided...to follow Jesus, I have decided, to follow Jesus, no turning back - no turning back. For yall that don't go to church and ain't been in Sunday School - you've missed it. Sorry, I had a flashback - we used to sing that back in my primary sunday school days. With that damn book with the country ass picture of a church on the front.

Anyway, I've decided to make the switch. I'm switching every damn thing else - so why not switch blogs. Besides, I've come to learn through my experiences over the last two years of blogging that Blog.spot is better than Blog.drive. (Big ups to The Blog Police for hooking me up to the world of blogging) So, I've joined the rest of society and made the step up.

How does it feel? I'm not sure yet. It's definitely more complicated to use than the other service...but, with some training I'll be cool.

Well, I'm going to apologize in advance. I'm out to Cozumel, Key West, and Ochos Rios in the morning. My first time cruising...I'm going to be acting a fool! I'll have my laptop with me so I'll be able to keep some nosey ass people involved w/what's going on. I'm still sexless and really vulnerable right now. My prayer is that a really cute island boy notices me and decides to have his way with me...ha!