A day in the life of...

This really ain't for you...it's for me. It's a peek into my life, as I live the life. I hope you enjoy...

Indifferent...fucking indifferent!!!

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Hey, so how is everyone? It's hot than a muthafucker! Today is hump day and a nigga was busier than a Hebrew slave! Wait -I should probably use a different analogy. Um, let's see - oh, a nigga was busier than a bee making honey - lol. I can't get over everyone telling me I sound country - I really don't understand this. Okay, anyway - so let's see. My date with COMCAST was cute - but I did have a revelation during dinner...I don't like him. Well, how can I explain. Well, he picked me up and we drove to my new favorite place - fuck Op.rah - I have a new favorite place - lol. It's a little Italian bistro in the heart of NYC's Little Italy section. It's cute or whatever and the prices are relatively decent. There was a certain baby's daddy that I've been trying to get to that place, but - well - it ain't happened yet. And yet, he has the nerve to call me to make him some catfish...hmph!
Anyway, he picks me up and we drive over there. I checked out the way he was dressed - I guess it's typical east coast urban (and yea, there is a difference). But, he had too much going on for me. And as we were driving he did this pointing thing that really bothered me. Well, he was showing me some of the sites as we drive past, but it's the way his perfectly manicured hands did this little mannerism thing that well - was too much for me. I picked up the tab for the meal. We had antipasto for an appetizer - it had all the Italian favs like sun dried tomatoes, roasted red peppers, proscuitto, olives, buffalo mozzerella, provolone, etc. My entre was Chicken Parmisean and he had Rosemary Chicken & Peppers...I tasted his - it was good...it really was. Afterwards we went walking and we talked a little over some fire ass sorbet - and then it was back home I went. That was really it - I think the problem is this - he's has these slight feminine overtones - and he doesn't think he has them. Now, I'm not bashing the feminine - some queen make the best judies - but hey, all we can do is gag and be fierce ol' spades or bid whist partners. That's it!
So, I had the "You're a nice guy, but" speech w/him and he understood. He did say I was cool and he was really into me - but, oh well - I told him maybe we could go out - you know, as friends...he accepted. I haven't heard from him and that was two days ago...I guess friends don't call everyday.
I'm excited also because I think I'm going to finally go to poetry Friday - I'll keep yall posted. I'm so excited, but I really don't have anything to read on the mic or whatever (that's going to be my new favorite saying or whatever), so this'll be interesting - maybe the Lord will put a poem on my heart and I can have alter call right there in the club...who knows - but it's been done before, I can be laying hands, touching and agreeing, casting out, yea - you get the picture - lol.
Before I leave, let me clear this right on up. (I know, I sound more homo tonight...it's scary). The guy from the previous post - the one who told me he was HIV+, well - we never did anything. Besides, I am a bi-annual tester - every 5th and 11th month. I don't play around - and I know I'm low risk like a motherfucker, but - I still make sure! DAVID - that's his name - I met him off the party line. He told me he was 18, but when I met him and he told me he could stop by in the morning but had to be gone by 7:45 to be at work by 8:30 and he had a clear back pack w/notebooks on his back, I knew he was every bit of a high schooler. Come to find out, he's only in 11th grade - and HIV+ - all I can say is WOW. I'm not sure what role I'll play w/this dude, I mean I believe he came back in my view for a specific purpose - so I'll be sensitive to that...but still, 16 years old and HIV+...WOW.

My Morning...

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

*****2002 (9:17:44 AM): what’s up stranger - you moved?

The ChurchBoy (9:17:54 AM): how did u know?

*****2002 (9:19:15 AM): im asking

*****2002 (9:19:22 AM): what you didnt want me to know?

*****2002 (9:19:51 AM): huh?

*****2002 (9:20:15 AM): oneday i knocked on the door no one came so i figured you m[oved

The ChurchBoy (9:21:19 AM): LOL - yea, I live on the East Coast now

*****2002 (9:35:54 AM): awe

*****2002 (9:35:58 AM): why u didnt tell me

*****2002 (9:36:18 AM): u stilll in church as a youth pastor?

The ChurchBoy (9:36:29 AM): that's what I do here

*****2002 (9:36:31 AM): i would like to keep in touch with you

*****2002 (9:36:43 AM): im not on dat gay stufff anymore

*****2002 (9:36:47 AM): thats of the deviol

The ChurchBoy (9:36:50 AM): oh - okay

*****2002 (9:37:01 AM): and doing that is making him happy

*****2002 (9:37:15 AM): i am a child of the most high god and

*****2002 (9:37:29 AM): i will do anything and everything in my power to serve him

*****2002 (9:37:47 AM): the devil is tryin to attack my body but i bind him in the might yname of jesus

*****2002 (9:38:01 AM): i went to the doctor yesterday and they said i was HIV+

*****2002 (9:38:08 AM): i rebuke that in the name of jesus

*****2002 (9:38:14 AM): i jus need people to talk to

The ChurchBoy (9:38:27 AM): u serious?

*****2002 (9:38:41 AM): yea

The ChurchBoy (9:38:52 AM): so what do u do now?

*****2002 (9:38:58 AM): that lifestyle is a trap of the enemy

The ChurchBoy (9:39:02 AM): have u thought about it?

*****2002 (9:39:12 AM): and as a child of god u and i know its wrong so

*****2002 (9:39:20 AM): i dont do that anymore

*****2002 (9:39:25 AM): you shouldnt either

*****2002 (9:39:37 AM): when u sin bad things hhappen

The ChurchBoy (9:40:03 AM): You're right - it's about perspective though - perspective. It's also about thinking shit through BEFORE you do it. But, I have you in my prayers though…

What A Day...

Sunday, July 24, 2005
I have no idea how I went from praising God this morning to feeling like an absolute hoe right now. My weekend - um, it was well - I guess the word "blah" would sum it up. Let's see - I had every intention on going to a poetry set Friday night - remember EAST COAST?!?! Well, I even call him to see if he wanted to take me - he told me "maybe next month." So, oh well - I guess sometime next month I'll tag along w/him. It'd be really nice to go. I guess I really got the ill feeling when I read that NO4REAL went and did his poem at an open mic...yea, that's where it came from - so hey, thanks a lot boy! I have been working on some killer pieces too - I can wait to go.

Well, that was my Friday - I sat at home and did nothing. Saturday was even better. I got up, forced myself into Bally's - worked it on out for a second and then went back home. The wierdest thing happened to me though. Remember CARIBE - the boy that I was dating when I moved here, the manager for Bally's. Well, I went to pay my bill at Bally's (which is unreasonably low every month for dating the manager - hell, it works) and the woman told me that I didn't owe anything. She said, "Mr. ChurchBoy, you are taken care of - your next payment is due in August." I was like - really? I'm still trying to figure out what happened - but I think a little Antiguan boy from the Caribbean that moved away had something to do with it. We'll see what happens next month. He actually called me - but I didn't return his call - it's difficult to call someone knowing you were developing feelings for them and now they've moved away.
So, church this morning was THE SHIT! Pastor preached on a touchy subject, "When Jesus Stands Still." He was pretty good too. I'm noticing week after week - there are a bunch of fags at this church too - one even hit on me. We have this whole "greet ya neighbor" type thing that happens - he shook my hand longer than one should - I knew what was up. I think I'll enjoy going to the 11:00 AM service from now on. Worship with an incentive...that's what I'm talking about.

So, ANTHONY- that's his name. We talk on the chat line yesterday and today he was in my bedroom. Wait - speaking of bedroom, how about there was a guy I was chatting w/ on the chat line - he sounded like he was just what I was looking for. That was until he said he wanted to meet me. Well, I'm down w/that. But, he wanted me to come over to his place - that I wasn't down with. I told him we could me that night but we had to go to a coffee house, or a bar, or some place where there will be witnesses - how about he told me "I don't go places with people I don't know." Well, duh - isn't that the whole point. It was really scary with this guy - because he REALLY was stuck to meeting in his house - I took that as my invitation to leave this dude alone. Lord knows we don't need to be hearing, "reporting live from the East Coast, a ChurchBoy was just murdered by a guy he met on the chat line...now back to the war on Iraq." Yea, I don't need that.

So, ANTHONY was in my bedroom. He started touching me - and let me tell you - I like to be touched. But, the boy was only 20 years old - and well, he was alright - but not that good. He had my legs in the air doing a little bump and grind action and he was actually banging hard as hell - so hard that the headboard was knocking agianst the wall. I'm thinking to myself, what is this boy trying to prove. For 20 years old, he did have an impressive dick. He kissed alright too - but it's something about a 20 year old that keeps gagging on his cell phone to his other gay friends that bothers me. So, I've decided, there are no exceptions to the rule - you must be 23 or older - yup, that's it! After I busted my nut, I sent him on his way - a 45 minute train ride back to his side of town. I'm sure we won't be seeing much of each other. I just got out the shower and I doused on a little 212 - that's my favorite scent. I'm on my way out to dinner with MR. COMCAST. I'm just taking the last few minutes to smoke on this cigarette and get my thoughts together (that's figurative...I don't smoke - lol).

Till We Meet Again,
The ChurchBoy

Huh? What did you say?

Saturday, July 23, 2005
Hmm - It always surprises me. I guess I'm this person who's ever evolving and it just always fucking surprises me when I find out something about myself that I didn't know before. You know, I'm learning me. After a conversation on IM this morning with a friend of mine about some issues he was having I was feeling good. Why? Well, I guess I was feeling good because I was able to help him look at this problems through a different perspective. What this does is allows one to prosper - you know, push through their current situation that was unseemingly unbearable into now being able to surmount the issue at hand with a band new pair of boots. So, when you're able to help someone do that, you feel good. Until you start thinking about your own shit.

So, I started thinking and I was like, "damn yo, I'm confused as hell." Why am I confused you ask? Well, because I am wondering what do I really want? Well, what I mean is this - I really kinda know what life is all about. I mean my career is working itself, my finances are in order, I've moved to a new city, I'm growing, I'm maturing - on that front things are working out just fine. But, my romantic life is in complete shambles. Now, I'm not one of those people that let work run their lives - so that's not the answer. Once work is over, then that's it - a bitch is ghost. But, I now fine myself filling my lonely hours thinking about the pleasure of a nice romantic time with "him." Whoever "him" may be. But, do I really want romance? There are times (even in recent weeks) where my search has ended up with many possibilities...some have ended in sex (never penetration), a few have not. But after sex, then I'm fine. I can run on and see what the end is going to be. But, is that healthy? Is it healthy to have a sexual escapade and continue to live life without ever having the whims and caprices of the romantics show up in my daily activity? I wonder...anyway - I'm not sure what I want. I know it'd be nice to meet someone, but then I could possibly get bored with that one person - and then variety becomes the spice of life. But then, I dig someone who I'm into just as much as they're into me (which doesn't happen often). Because then, we both work at making that dating shit exciting - you know, doing movies, restaurants (which is how I found my new favorite place), musuems, walks in the park, etc.
I guess what I'm saying is that I want that shit to happen - but then do I really? Do I just want to bust a nut and keep living life? Yea, I'm confused as hell right now. Alright, I took a break from the Good Times marathon on TVLand to post my demented ass thoughts- back to watching them ghetto asses from Chicago's Cabrini Green housing projects that was really taped in LA.
Till We Meet Again,
The ChurchBoy
PS. Isn't it ironic that I was just talking about Good Times last week from my escapade in Brooklyn and then all of a sudden I'm in my bath robe and comfy slippers watching the marathon...the WHOLE DAMN THING?!?!

A Must See!!!

Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Greetings to all! Please, I am soliciting your support. I happened to stumble upon a movie that literally changed my perspective about life. Please - if you are in or around NYC, you must see this movie. Hell, I'll even pay for it...

Do your self a favor and check out the website: www.ontheouts.com.

The film is playing at The Film Forum right off Christopher street - it's definitely a must see!

Till we meet again,

The ChurchBoy

I Need Your Help...All Yall!!!

Monday, July 18, 2005
Listen...I need your help like a mothafucker. I was having an interesting conversation w/my mentor about my life. We were talking about where I am in life, where I plan on going, what I've learned, how I plan to use my experiences to work in my advantage, etc. We started talking about forgiveness. He immediately told me, "You have some forgiveness issues to work on, don't you?" That hit me like a ton of bricks. I actually thought to myself, "Damn, do I really have some forgivness issues?"
Question that I need an asnwer to. How do you know you've really forgiven someone?
Till we meet again,
The ChurchBoy

Sorry, My Cousins Are Visiting...

Saturday, July 16, 2005
Ahhh, what a wonderful time of the year. I usually am very fond of this time of the year. I mean, why wouldn't I be? It's the summer months, the sun shines earlier than normal and sets later than normal. The air smells new and crisp. The skies are a wonderful shade of blue - very peaceful and serene. The children come out early to play. Their laughter is like music to the footsteps of my daily routine. The beaches are full of every day people just wanting to get their turn at either a bit of rest, a day of water fun, picnics, etc. There's tons of fun at the many holiday cook outs where Uncles June Bug and Yum Yum are working the grill and drinking Colt 45. Aunt Mable bought her pan of potato salad because she knew that Aunt Lynn's attempt at the infamous culinary accessory would be deadful. Big Mama has been picking greens and warning Granddaddy to make sure them fool sons of hers don't burn the meat on the grill this time. Oh, this time of year is wonderful! I also am usually particularly fond of this time of year because of one other reason. What is it you ask? Oh, well because during this time of year all sorts of extended family comes to visit. I love it when that happens...until last night!
So, for the sake of santity, social activity, and just plain fun I decided when I moved here to change my profile on A4A to reflect my new location on the East Coast. So, I did. I was completely in shock because literally no sooner than I clicked the "submit" button did I start getting messages in my inbox. I was thinking to myself, "okay - this could be fun." One message came from Lil' Rough. He mentioned in his profile that he was a thick guy and was in search of someone else who wasn't skinny, but no where near fat. I was like, "I qualify." So, after going back and forth we immediately went to the next step. We exchanged phone numbers! We chatted brielfy and we vibed...that's always a good thing.
Lil' Rough and I made an attempt to meet maybe about 3 weeks ago, it fell through the cracks. After that I was done w/him. So, I got a phone call this past Wednesday and because I didn't recognize the number, I put on "that voice." And don't play, with as many homos that read this blog, you know what voice we put on. Why do we do that? Hell, I have no idea - but we do it. Anyway, long story short, we met in Times Square yesterday.
Through our lengthy telephone converations we unveiled some similar interests. Guess what? This boy loves The Golden Girls too...so when I told him I had season 1 and 2 on DVD - we were convinced that would be our first date. After grabbing a bite to eat, we were on the 2 train and then the G train and then the L train - or some shit like that - I know I was one confused bitch...but when we were done we were officially in Brooklyn. Why was I not surprised when he told me he lived in the Marcy Ave. Projects? I told him I'd never heard of them, he says that Jay-Z raps about it all the time...go figure, Jay-Z isn't in any of my playlists on my iPOD (which, by the way, I can't live without).
As soon as I walked in his place, I felt like I was going to meet JJ & Michael any minute. I also just knew Wylona was on her way to opening the door and walking in any moment. Oh, let me back up to tell you how he looked. I'm getting a head of myself here. Lil' Rough wasn't bad looking at all. He really is someone that you wouldn't really mind having on your arm. He's not super fine, and he's far from ugly. He was really just like I like 'em. He had a bald head and wore a cap. He was a little thugged out w/the ice, the new A3 Adidas, shorts w/black ankle socks, and a black t-shirt. He had on the right summer scent (there is a difference) and he was doing it. He has this really bubbly personality and this raspiness to his voice. So, yea - I'd give him a B-.
We start watching The Golden Girls and about 15 minutes later I saw it...a visitor. Moving very rapidly towards me. I was scared as hell. It was family alright, a member of of the periplantea amedcana or we know it as the common cockroach. I was too outdone. While Dorothy was reading Rose for points, I had my eye on the little bastard. I couldn't move and let him notice I was staring the bitch down, so I used my peripheal vision like a mothafucker! That was until I lost the little bastard. My heart started beating so fast - only because I just knew the little bitch saw me watching him and was probably aimed at running up my leg or some shit.
You can't tell me God won't show up on time because as soon as I lost sight of the roach, Lil' Rough changed positions and noticed the roach. He got up and killed it like it was no problem. He mentioned something about him just moving there and this was a problem that he was tired of. All I could think was "Whatever!" I was just glad that God moved on my behalf...
(remembering last night - give me a second...ee baba shando...)
Of course things got steamy. I'm thinking about keeping this Lil' Rough around. Not for husband material cuz that he's not, but just because of his tongue. I'm getting hard right now thinking about how this boy licked and sucked the shit outta my nipples. I know how I knew that he really aint "the one." It's because I wasn't really pumped on making sure I returned all the favors. Can't really explain it - but yea. Anyway after a long ass session of sucking, licking, kissing, caressing, poking, and prodding (no penetration), I shot nut on my chin. Well, my legs were in the missionary position because he was my tossing salad like he was a hungry vegan.
Let me stick a pen there...this dude was so funny, either that or I have a lot to learn. While we were making out (who uses that term, whew) he was talking dirty and nasty to me. I've never really been into that too much...but I went along with it. Not too much though, just giving the right amount of "yea" and "uh huh" to fuel the session. Wierdest thing though...when he was jacking off and I was sucking his nipples, he wanted me to talk dirty to him. I've NEVER talked dirty to anyone before. Never...but, he kept saying "come on baby, talk that nasty shit to me." I didn't even know what to say - so, I just kept sucking and moaning. I was hoping that he'd notice I wasn't going to do it and would stop requesting...but that didn't work. He kept saying, "yea baby, talk that nasty shit to me." That felt so wierd and unnatural to me. I guess us church boys have a few more things to learn in that area.
After we got done, I asked him if I could use his bathroom. He told me sure...here's how I know he wouldn't be a keeper. Lil' Rough is NASTY. I know I may sound country, and act like I'm from the country, and cook like I'm from the country, and love like I'm from the country, but listen...please, keep ya damn house clean. ESPECIALLY the bathroom. No wonder he had family visiting. I saw dead roaches around the base of the toilet, I saw a smahed roach on the sink, a dirty, wet, mildewed mop was on the floor - it was a complete mess. The visitors were probably coming to pay their last respects. Please, don't put all that shit in your bathroom or your house if you're not going to keep it clean.
In closing, I remember when I left, he walked me to the J train so I could get back to the other side of town...I remember thinking how nice the breeze was, how calm the air was, how crisp the night felt, how much I'd enjoyed my time with Lil' Rough, but how there would probably be no strong future between us...there could never be. I'd feel like I'd always be second to him, his family and his visitors are probably more imporant to him.

God Knows My Heart...again...

Friday, July 15, 2005
I stole this from Him...

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey

Name: The ChurchBoy
Birthday: The day I was born...
Birthplace: Chicago, IL
Current Location: NYC
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Black
Height: 6'4"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right...lefties are odd!
Your Heritage: That young Afro-American
The Shoes You Wore Today: Sandals...I know, gay right? But hell, it's Friday.
Your Weakness: Italian food and a good looking man!
Your Fears: Not ever having children...
Your Perfect Pizza: Thin crust with sausage, cheese, black olives, & spinach! Quit looking like that and try it!
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Communicate with President Bush on a few issues plaguing our youth!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: LOL
Thoughts First Waking Up: How much sleep did I really get.
Your Best Physical Feature: My stature...
Your Bedtime: Whew - after the Cosby Show in Nick @ Nite
Your Most Missed Memory: Road trips w/my feminine ass friends back home in Chicago. Those were some good times...from start to finish.
Pepsi or Coke: Neither - Kool Aid is my shit...
MacDonalds or Burger King: Definitely Burger King...where else can you get beef your way? (pun intended)
Single or Group Dates: Definitely single - I've never even been on a group date, but the sound of it isn't appetizing at all.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton Green Tea is the BOMB! (Do people still use that term?)
Chocolate or Vanilla: Cookie Dough...You need a variety, remember, it's the spice of life.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Neither, tea
Do you Smoke: Not at all...
Do you Swear: I try not to...who the fuck am I kidding? Hell muthafucking yea...
Do you Sing: Nah, I'm a poet...I speak words!
Do you Shower Daily: You bet ya bottom dollar...oh wait, I'm a Christian, I'm not supposed to bet.
Have you Been in Love: Oh hell yea...that nigga had me WHIPPED!
Do you want to go to College: Been there done that, getting ready for graduate school.
Do you want to get Married: No doubt...but only to a man. Females are nasty. Ain't shit we can do together but be spades partners..."I got 4 and a possible..."
Do you belive in yourself: Nope, never in myself.
Do you get Motion Sickness: Nope - cuz the motion feels just right.
Do you think you are Attractive: Only with my hair cut...
Are you a Health Freak: Semi...I eats plenty of fruits & veggies a day.
Do you get along with your Parents: I don't...
Do you like Thunderstorms: That's the best sleep you'd ever get
Do you play an Instrument: Yup, every day - and sometimes twice a day.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Nope, besided mouthwash.
In the past month have you Smoked: Nah, I can't stand tabacco.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Nope
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yes, I sure have...
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Nope - too new to the area.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Nah, Pepperidge Farm Chessman are better
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: The only way fish should be eaten is fried with hotsauce.
In the past month have you been on Stage: Yep - a few times a week (comes w/the job).
In the past month have you been Dumped: Ironcially, I have...
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: I save my goodies for "the one."
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Nah, I'm too scared to. Although a pen from the office ended up at home, somehow.
Ever been Drunk: Nope, too scared
Ever been called a Tease: All the time - I just test the waters though.
Ever been Beaten up: Who me?
Ever Shoplifted: Hell yea, and almost went to jail for it. I've never stolen a thing in my life again.
How do you want to Die: ON a full stomach. I'll be mad as hell if I don't.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I'm already fulfilling my dream!
What country would you most like to Visit: I'm cool right here...with bombings and terrorists and shit I'm cool.

In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Whatever is real
Favourite Hair Color: Hmm, nothing feminine.
Short or Long Hair: Doesn't matter, but it better had look masculine.
Height: Tall is always a plus
Weight: Nice and thick (with it all in the right places).
Best Clothing Style: I'm open

Number of Drugs I have taken: "crack is whack...I make too much money for crack."
Number of CDs I own: I have an iPOD - I download music - I have about 4500 mp3s though.
Number of Piercings: Doesn't matter
Number of Tattoos: Who cares?
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Because I always make wise choices...none. (smile)


The Saga Continues...

Wednesday, July 13, 2005
From Anonymous - Hey to you too...but, I have no idea who are you. It looks like you're a frequent reader though from your comments.

1. Can you really cook like you say you can?
Yup - you bet your bottom dollar. I can actually cook better than my own mother. Isn't that something? I cook for guys, but not until I know you're going to last. Cooking is like the height and depth of my communication to a guy - anytime I slave over a hot stove for a man, I loves he! Only 3 guys in the past (well maybe a few more) have had that pleasure.

2. Describe your best sexual experience.
This really isn't a question - but I'll answer it. It involved a certain guy from Jamaica. In all seriousness, the boy has a 13 inch dick - but what's so wonderful is that he likes for me to fuck him. That's kinda wierd too - but hell, I don't ask no questions. He's really passionate and sensitive and he makes sure you're definitely pleased. He really turns on this whole masculinty ordeal where he grabbed me from behind while I was cooking (he was and still is one of them boyz that I loves). As I was cooking he started to kiss the back of my neck and I felt his hard dick pressing up against my back end. It's nice to have a guy just as tall as you - so that felt good, not odd, but really secure. I put the smothered chicken on simmer cuz I knew what was about to go on. As he was kissing the back of my neck, and he heard my moans, that fueled him even more. Before I knew it I turned around and we were engaged in a magical kiss that had us both seeing sparks. If I'm sexing you and I care for you, you won't get the best of me, so I had to make him feel it too. I found a few of his spots and heard him moaning as well - I got him to that point.

That point where it was time for more. I remember quite vividly we ended up on the floor in the kitchen. I pulled down his jogging pants and went to work on everything below his waist and above his knees. Now 13 inches is a bit too much, I'm good, but I'm no pro - so I handled what I could. It was enough that I felt the shaft of his dick pulsating and I knew what was about to happen. I stopped immediately. I knew how to finish off dessert before dinner and that was by tasting him...all of him. At 6'3" his legs are extremely long, but looked beautiful in the air as I poked and prodded his ass until he begged me to get inside of him. I grabbed a condom and a lube which is ALWAYS strategically placed, you will NEVER catch a bitch off guard. The next 5 minutes (hey, I tried to go longer, but hell - that foreplay wore me out - remember, I'm no professional, but I'm good enough. Besides, I HATE guys who take more than 15 minutes to bust a nut - like Bernie Mac said, it's a race to the finish line, you better get your before I get mines) were nothing but pure ecstacy that had us both dripping in sweat. After that ordeal we lay on the floor, curled up, enjoying the best conversation we'd ever had...and no one had spoke a word. Hmmm, I still love him.

3. Tell us, what's the perfect guy for you like?
Despite popular belief, I'm not that superficial. On the physical I prefer a non-smoker who has great dental hygeine. I LOVE to kiss, and well, keep that tight. Also, make sure your physical hygeine is in tact too. Why, you ask? Well, because I like putting my mouth places where it probably shouldn't go, so I don't want to taste nothing I probably shouldn't be tasting. Other than that, have some type of physical shape, and please - be masculine. You don't have to be DL, but I'm attractive enough to get a female...if I wanted one, I'd be with her.

It becomes a bit more difficult on the mental level. AT this point in my life I am really looking for husband material. I’m not getting any younger and my biological clock is ticking – lol. I appreciate someone who can communicate effectively. It’d also be nice to have someone who understands that it’s not about what I can do for them, or what they can do for me, but it’s really about what we can do for each other on various levels. Someone who just doesn’t have goals, dreams, or ambitions, but I appreciate someone who’s actively achieving those same goals, dreams, and ambitions. I’d also appreciate someone who understands certain principles like reciprocity, self-sufficiency, and being independent. That’d help a lot. I guess that’s really about all I ask for. I can pretty much deal with everything else. It’s just that at my age – finding someone my age – that’s on that same platform, well, it’s a little hard to find.

PS, someone that desires to pray together before going to sleep at night is really sexy to me...



From I’m Here – Boy, you know you are DEFINITELY a hand full. I can’t even remember how our relationship started. I think it was through Yahoo in what, 1998 or so? Well, you knows I loves you – and well, here goes nothing.

1. What is the ultimate purpose you feel that should achieve in life?
My ultimate purpose in life that I feel I should achieve is based on two instructions that Jesus taught about. They are the Great Commission and the Great Commandment. I feel that I should be willing to always please God in all that I do, attempt to live in harmony with other believers, tell others about Christ, use what I have to benefit others, and try to become like Jesus was in the way I think, act, and feel.

2. What area do you struggle with concerning family and friendships?
Whew…good question. I think the area I struggle with the most is learning how to let relationships go. When I refer to relationships, I mean both family and friendships. I’m a firm believer that people are like the steps on a ladder, it’s sad to say, but they’re just there until you move (either up or down) to another step of the ladder. Some stick with you as you start off – some eventually drop off as you move up – some come back around as you move down – some don’t show up until you get to the top – and low and behold if you move down, the ones that met you at the top are sure to remember you no more. My only point is that I struggle with letting people be there for their time (as mentioned in Ecclesiastes) and then letting them go.

3. I guess that some already questioned sexuality, how will this be dealt with years from now?
Years from now…hmmm, that’s good too. I don’t even know how it’s dealt with now. I guess I’m really taking it step by step. I don’t think ones sexual preference either prohibits or encourages them to reach a certain level or remain where they are. I just don’t think sexual preference plays that much a part into where we take our lives. I think it’s moreso how WE react to certain things that ultimately determines what we do and how we get there. So, it’s [my sexual preference] not an issue now, I don’t forsee it being an issue in the future.

4. With a sincere heart, what do you wish for all people to have and cherish?
You should have guessed this one. I sincerely wish for all people to have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

5. What are you willing to give up to meet your goal you wish to achieve in life?
Myself! I constantly give up myself every day. Some days it’s easier than others – but yea, I give up myself.

From No4Real4Real – Hey Boo Boo – I miss chatting w/you. You have to log onto Yahoo more…
1. What is the nastiest sexual thing you will and/or have done?
I don’t do nasty sexual things. I’m a church boy, I’m a quiet, shy, and timid human being! We don’t do nasty sexual things. WE have sex in the missionary position only. They actually named that position after us.

2. What makes you – YOU?
My ability to overcome. Let me tell you, if I were granted money every time I overcame an obstacle, I’d be a rich bitch. Every day man, it’s a struggle. I’m constantly faced with opposition. Not that I’m asking for a pity party, but living my life is difficult. If I didn’t have God, I’d be chopped liver. Anyway, I get his unexplainable power to make it through shit EVERYTIME. The result is an improvement in character development. That’s what makes me, me!

3. What is the one thing about you that leaves a lasting impression on everyone you encounter?
Honestly? It’s my infectious positive attitude. I’m a goof ball – a kid at heart and in action. If you come in contact w/me, I WILL have you laughing…that’s just who I am and how I am. People love being around me because they love laughing with me.

From my Baby’s Daddy – SmilingDL
1. If you found a life-time lover how will you explain it to your congregation?
Are you crazy? I wouldn’t tell it to my congregation. There are some things some people just don’t need to know. This, my dear, is one of them.

2. Since moving to the east coast, what has been your best experience thus far?
Damn – my best experience is definitely the view. I’ve seen and met so many interesting guys that are just plain attractive. That’s a good thing – the male species, that’s a good thing.

3. Besides God, who else has been a source of inspiration in your life?
Honestly, my mother has. She was and still is shit to me. Knowing that I’d want to be a better parent to my children, I’d want to tell them I love them more than 3 times in their ENTIRE childhood, I’d want to show them I care, I don’t want to be what my mother was to me. Knowing that I was dealt a bad hand and having to deal with it, that situation has really inspired me NEVER to get into such a mentality where I treat my kids the way she treated me.

Grae – You’re funny! I’m not answering these damn questions. Start updating your blog more than once a month!

Yall Some Funny Muh Fuckas!!!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Here goes nothing...
From Anonymous:
1. Why didn't I tell you I was gay? Why'd you have to find out this way?
Well, it's not really anything you go around shouting. I didn't tell you because it really wasn't the right time. I'm not sure there will ever be a right time, but some things you just leave undiscussed. I'm still trippin on how you got a hold of my blog - I think I have an idea though and if it has anything to do with a W-4 form, a ten key adding machine, and a little company in Elk Grove...then I know EXACTLY how you found out.
2. Why were you leading me on, taking me to poetry, and out to eat?
Girl, we were having fun..weren't we? I didn't know I was leading you on. How many STRAIGHT dudes do you talk to your STRAIGHT guy friend about? NONE!!! Only homos will give you advice on your relationship, tell you what colors look good together, and visit churches with you. I was going out to eat with you because we were hungry, right? Besides, you like to eat - I like to eat - so then, hell, that's what we did...we ate.
3. Why didn't you tell me you were gay? (I just can't get over this)
Well, like I said - some things you just don't reveal. Besides, I was kicking it with you to get with your brother...which by the way knows how to show another man a really good time! That tongue of his works wonders...
From The Church Girl
1. How do you balance your sexuality and your profession/calling as a pastor?
I don't think it's as difficult as people think. It's just like asking someone who's straight, "excuse me sir or ma'am, but how do you handle your sexuality and your profession?" I'm sure they'd look at you like, "What the fuck are you talking about?" Think about yourself for instance, when you go to work, how often do you think about sex? Naturally, I'm sure a few times or you may get naturally aroused during the day...but I'm sure you don't have premeditated intenions that are drenched in sexual desires, do you? Well, it's the same for me - it's just that you like men, and I'd do two...at a time!
2. Is it difficult for you to go to the barber shop?
If you're referring to our recent telephone conversation...HELL YEA! You get crowded in a tiny space with that many good looking men and you tell me what happens.. I don't think I've ever seen an ugly barber...
3. I think my man is dipping on the other side, how can I be sure?
What am I now, Mother Love? Well, there's a tell tale sign you can be sure of if your man is dipping. I just have to ask you one question, "Do you really think your man is dipping on the other side?" Well, if you said yes, then that's your sign...remember, once you go dick and ass, well....you figure out the rest.
From Lateef (We still need to write that book together, we'd make a killing)
1. How difficult was it to leave behind your family at your church in Chicago?
Well, I really didn't have much family in Chicago, so it wasn't too difficult. Besides I was offered a compensation package one couldn't refuse. But leaving my church was really difficult. But, it was necessary. I was way too comfortable at my church back home. I had been there my entire life. Not only that, but I was also in leadership and had a great deal of power. With that much going for me, there really wasn't too much of a need to depend on God...so He kinda needed to change my scenario a bit to make sure I kept him priority.
2. Where do you see yourself in five years?
I haven't the slightest idea. I haven't though past next week, let alone 5 years. But married (to a guy of course), adpoted a baby or two, and doing the damn thang career wise. In 5 years, I'll be a knocking 30, so having built a firm foundation not just for myself (which is just about done), but one w/my partner would be imporatant too.
3. What event in your life has tested your faith the most?
Damn...that's a good question. I would probably say moving here. It happened in less than 2 months - the entire process, from start to finish. That's a really quick time. I dont' think I had really sat down to think everything through. By the time I sat down, I had just unpacked my last box and I looked up and realized that I was in a new place, all alone, and I knew NO ONE. It was scary, but again, sometimes God does those types of things...He'll get the best out of us if it's the last thing we do...and for some people, it is the last thing they do.
From Ladynay - Hey girl, it's nice to meet you - I have no idea who you are, but thanks for stopping by to visit...comment more frequently so I know who you are.
1. How do you handle the sermon about sexuality?
I don't - I pull out my cell phone and start playing Tetris. My goal is to always beat my previous score. And since I'm a little over 50,000 points - it take about a good 30 minutes or so to get there...just enough time for the gay preacher who's preaching about sexuality (probably one I slept with) to be on his last few points of the day. Then I just meet him after church and fuck him...
2. What's your opinion of the Catholic church and their issues with the leaders messing with kids?
Hmmm, the Altar boys altering the boys? It's sick - you know it is. But (and not defending their actions in any way, shape, form or fashion), but they're still people and just cuz they fucked up doesn't mean we need to just look down on them like their nobodies. They need help and I think it's our responsibility to do what we can. But, it was a whole lotta them damn preists fucking altar boys, wasn't it? DAMN!!! Anyway, back to my point - the Bible declares that we're made out of dust - that's worse than dirt. So for one piece of dust to think they're better than the other piece of dust makes absolutely no sense what so ever!
3. Ummmmmmm, after reading anonymous #1's questions, are you in the closet?
Um, let's just say I'm standing in the closet with the door slighly ajar...
From Timothy
1. When are you coming back to Chicago to hang with me?
I'll probably come home some time in August - so we can hang then. But, when are you coming here...not DC, to hang w/me?
2. When you gonna hit me back up? Been waiting on 10 minutes to go by for almost a week now...LOL
Funny, funny, funny...I think I called you back and left you a voice mail, didn't I? I'm not sure I can't remember...You do have my number, don't you?
3. How did you know that being a pastor was your "calling"? This I must know!
Hell, I'm still trying to figure this on out. I honestly have no idea how this came about. I really happened by accident. I know I have been called to leadership - I was shaped for it - that's no question. The literal meaning ofthe word "pastor" means someone who leads or directs. That's what a pastor is, but our culture has taught us (even me until a short while ago) that a pastor has to be somoene who is ordained, who can preach, and who can hoop and holla. That's not the case - so because I am so adimant about my mission and what God wants me to do and because of that, I honestly don't even look at the title. The title is just a bi-product of what I'm all about.
Part 2 will come tomorrow...I'm Here has asked a few key questions and I must take a deep breath before I continue to answer his questions...I still have love for you, but boy - you know you're a handful!

God knows my heart...

Saturday, July 09, 2005
Ain't that a trip - that is the biggest cop out ever. You know you did something wrong, but instead of admitting you screwed up we say, "God knows my heart!."

Anyway, since moving to this part of the country, I've been speaking w/my people back at home more and more frequently. Just about every conversation always entails a bunch of questions. So, I'm going to steal this from the "Evolver" himself!

Take a moment, go ahead ask me any three questions you want. I know it's stealing, but hell "God knows my heart!"

Oh yea, let's put this in fine print; if I only get 2 responses I will erase this post with the quickness and act like it never happened.

Till we meet again,
The ChurchBoy

A Slight Response...

Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Greetings to all...I had a very interesting comment to my previous post. Allow me to address it...

---
"Mr. Church Boy,
As we all know, we are very aware of the resources that is missing or lacking thereof. I thought your first priority is for the spiritual edification and guidance, not the resource manager. Am I correct in this assumption? Yes, we do need natural assistance for daily living, and people to distribute to the local assembly. However, I do have some heavy questions to ask churches and those in leadership, why spend so much time and energy in gathering resources, financial gains, securing pledged support, worrying about material needs? I thought God is responsible to handle these things if we first seek him. Am I correct about the bible in this regard? I thought we must exercise spiritual faith and apply biblical principles before reaching our hand out to the pockets that have money or the resources to assist our communities. Should we ask God to supply our needs? Should we look to man and corporations to supply our needs? Many may read this and say, “He is so abrupt and obnoxious,” but I am only trying to seek answers and point out why the church itself fails to do what God has commanded. I noticed that many (In the church- no offence to you) are wasting time and resources gathering material things, especially those in the church. Given, many did not contribute to the issues our youth face today. Shifting the blame only prolongs the issue in being resolved, that I cannot agree more with you. However, when the growing Antioch church flourished after Pentecost, did not the bible say they had developed and revolved their own resources from goods and selling of possessions? Frankly, we are trying to solve a sociological issue by way of a supernatural entity with a blinded scope of whom God is and what he promised to do for those who believe in him!"

---

Mr. I’m Here – you know, you are so funny. Is that all you have? I’ve enjoyed your comments throughout the past few months…it seems that you’ve been following my blog for a hot minute, which I thoroughly appreciate.

You bring up valid points and before I can address them with my opinion, let’s not presuppose. It seems you have deep concern with three issues:

1. My role in the body of Christ
2. The church’s right in the body of Christ
3. God’s responsibility in the body of Christ

My Role in the Body of Christ
Your Argument: “As we all know, we are very aware of the resources that is missing or lacking thereof. I thought your first priority is for the spiritual edification and guidance, not the resource manager. Am I correct in this assumption?”

My Response
You make a good point. A point so good that I must give you slight accolades for acknowledging the fact that spiritual edification and guidance is needed, thus a portion of my mission. Let me warn you, the buck doesn’t stop at spiritual edification and guidance. There’s much more that people need in life than spiritual edification and guidance in terms of reaching their potential in Christ. Prime example – Jesus Christ. He clearly indicated to his prime rival that “people need more than just bread for their life; they must feed on every word of God.” (Matthew 4:4 NLT)

Understanding the context, the question becomes what does “every word of God contain” and why do we need it? I’m a prime believer that the Bible contains an answer (at the very least a portion of the complete answer) to ever situation any person can ever go through. This includes more than just spiritual edification and guidance problems. This also includes financial problems, relationship problems, family problems, education problems, etc. If that being the case and I am to live this truth in my every day life – how can I honestly live a one dimensional life reflecting a multi-dimensional truth? The two can't co-exist.

My only point – my mission in the body of Christ is to help build healthy ministries. Ministries that tend to meet the needs of levels of people on their levels of spirituality. This includes folks who are unchurched as well as those who are devout Christians and Bible scholars. Why? Just as Paul admits in Acts 24:15 (which is a direct correlation with Solomon in Proverbs) God reigns on the just, as well as the unjust. I have been commissioned and commanded to do 5 very important things: “to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you” (Matthew 28:19-20) and “Love God with my heart, soul, and mind and strength. The second is equally important, love my neighbor as myself.” (Mark 12:30-31).

Plainly said, these 5 important tasks are to:
1. Tell others about Christ (Evangelism)
2. Please God in all I do (Worship)
3. Create, build, and maintain healthy relationships with other Christians (Fellowship)
4. Teach others how to become like Christ (Discipleship)
5. Use what I have to help others when they need it (Ministry)

The Church’s Right in the Body of Christ

Your Argument: “However, I do have some heavy questions to ask churches and those in leadership, why spend so much time and energy in gathering resources, financial gains, securing pledged support, worrying about material needs? I thought God is responsible to handle these things if we first seek him. Am I correct about the bible in this regard?”

My Response
Initially, I’d like to know what scripture reference you’re using to base your conclusion. I’m really curious. Every commandment I’ve studied that refers to the purpose of the church has clearly indicated God’s purpose and desire that the church carry out the mission that Christ began. It’s not a matter of who – more so, a matter of how.

In terms of the church’s responsibility in general – it’s nothing more than to complete Christ’s mission. What was his mission? His mission was to save the world. It may sound weird or out of tact, but realistically speaking that’s what Christ did. Every step of the way, from preparation to crucifixion to resurrection…he was focused on saving a dying world.

Remember, it’s a question of how. How did he do it? It’s still a mystery – he was God in person…I mean, come on here...it’s supposed to be a mystery. Look at the facts – we’re not sure how many people were believers in God through Jesus Christ back in Biblical times – but, it’s wise to ascertain there weren’t many. So, from not many back in the day to over 3.1 billion Christians through Jesus Christ today – the man has a lot of ideas that we can definitely learn from.

With that ideology in mind, we’re to carry out the mission, but we’re not Jesus. Which means we (the church) have our own personality, mentality, resources, and specific tasks to complete within the Body of Christ. It’s wise for each portion of the Body to figure out where God has placed them and begin working as he originally designed. This may mean a church Body can be prioritized a number of ways; missions based, needs based, spiritually educationally based, evangelism based, ministry based, socially based, etc. Jesus never commanded there was a certain way to minister…he just said when to minister and where to minister.

So, your church may do it one way. Someone else’s church may do it another way – neither way is right or wrong as long as the focus has been prioritized in such a way that it fulfills the Great Commission and Great Commandment.


God’s Responsibility in the Body of Christ

Your Argument: “I thought God is responsible to handle these things if we first seek him. Am I correct about the bible in this regard? I thought we must exercise spiritual faith and apply biblical principles before reaching our hand out to the pockets that have money or the resources to assist our communities. Should we ask God to supply our needs? Should we look to man and corporations to supply our needs?”

My Response
You have great questions…for a new Christian. I’ve known you for years. It’s safe to assume that you know all the answers to these questions you’re asking.

For the sake of the blog, I’ll answer the questions.

God is responsible for handling things, if we seek him. You’re absolutely right. However, you need to understand three very important things about promises of God:

1. Promises are often conditional
2. God only gives us promises to help better accomplish His will
3. Don’t assume to know when , where, or how the promise will be fulfilled in your life

You still have responsibility in exercising faith and applying biblical principles, but helping someone is not an option. “Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?” (James 2:15-16 NIV). You should ask God to supply your needs, but asking God to supply your needs without you exercising your faith in God is as walking on water with the same beliefs as an atheist. Do you sit at home all day and say “God will supply my needs?” You don’t…God’s way to providing your needs is by working. “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” (2nd Thessalonians 3:10 NIV)

My point here – is that everyone is in need. The level of need from man to man differs, but God is merciful and just as he extends mercy to other, we’re commanded to do the same (Matthew 5:7). You may not be in need financially or physically, but spiritually you’re in need – you’re constantly in needs of God’s provision, His grace, His benefits, etc. So, if it’s in your power to do so – lend a helping hand. If anything more, it pleases God that you’re using your gifts and abilities for the benefit of others, you’re developing and building a healthy relationship, and you’re empowering someone else to extend the same assistance to someone else that they were given by you.

Mr. I'm Here - I hope this shines light on my opinions of why I do what I do. I don't wish to convince you to see things the way I do - that's a sin - but I don't mind sharing with you the reasons and opinions that make up who The Church Boy really is and what he's all about...

I Guess I'm Toni Braxton...

Friday, July 01, 2005
Because I can finally breathe again!!! I've been completely swamped with work for the past week and a half. Well, that's what I moved here for - I moved here for work. And it's been kicking my ASS...literlly! So, I completely apologize - actually, I don't...this blog ain't paying my bills. I got about 17 e-mails from yall readers about not updating my blog. You mid-west homos can't wait to read my shit but you can't comment...come on, where is the rule of reciprocity being observed here? Whew...

So, let's reveal a bit of information. For those who aren't aware (which should be majority of yall), The ChurchBoy is yes...a youth pastor! I know...I know...you couldn't even guess, right? Yes, I spend all my hours counseling, ministering to, and pouring into the broken lives of urban teenagers. Hey, it's what God shaped me for. This stays between you and me...okay! After noticing a HUGE need in the community, I decided to do something about it. But, my organization and I can only do so much - it's a shame. So, let's just say I'm a bit fed up right now and I need to grab ahold of all my elected officials in the area after I create this circle of consumer power that exists in the community. So, the ChurchBoy is thinking on how to make this happen. I'm thinking I have enough connections already to form this ring of power - I can request to have a press conference if that doesn't work, I can make some "quiet noise" to get folks attention...well, all the details aren't quite worked out. Just know that if you turn on your nightly news and hear what sounds like the voice of a pissed off ChurchBoy...then, it's me! SMILING DL...I may need your assistance.

Well, since I was pissed off my mind started wandering. I started thinking about a few things:

Laura Winslow...where in the hell is she? She was definitely a role model to the young girls when that show was on (even to some of the boys - no my hand isn't raised). Why was she a role model? Cuz every one wanted both a Steve and Stefan Urkel! I sho' know I did..."did I do that?"

Kim from the Parkers - Why didn't her first CD do any good? I think she needs to think about recording...she can really sing!

Anyway - other than that, life has been so/so. Beside it being hotter than Satan's pussy, I have just had a bomb dropped on me. CARIBE and I were doing phenominally well. We have been going on dates at least three times a week. One of those dates always included just lounging around the house doing nothing. In which case we'd be hugged up on the couch watching The Golden Girls. We've gone into Manhattan for dinner at some really good favorite spots. Here's my reccomendation: Buona Notte. It's a cute little place for dinner and a date on the town. We happened to go right in the middle of the Little Italy fest - it was wonderful. I thought to myself, "wow, this a taste of the NY life." I even bought a few bottles of cologne - some favorites at a dirt cheap ass price. We've really been enjoying ourselves. His accent becomes more and more attractive each time we have a conversation. Our telephone conversations seem endless. We haven't had sex yet, but each time we kiss we both feel this level of satisfaction and esteem. It's wonderful!

Anyway, so he calls me and tells me that he's moving away. He works for Bally's and they're closing his location. He's relocating to Ohio. Hmmm....so, it's just about over!

But, then enters SMOOTH. God always has a ram in the bush!

"Here I am," he replied. "Do not lay a hand on the boy," God said...Abraham looked up and there in the thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son.

Genesis 22:11-13 (NLT)

He's a 29 y/o executive in NYC - Tall, meduim build, fairly attractive, and has them twistie things in his hair that are not too long and not too short - they add this level of disctinction to his look that is intriguing. Where will the road leave us? I'm not sure, but it's been a long time since I've been touched - and look at your neighbor and say, "It's about that time..."

This should be interesting. It's good right now (it always is in the beginning, right?). It's only been a few days, but I'm already in love. Well, not really in love - just strong "like." He's a dire Madea fan just like me. Last night on the phone, we went back and forth with scenes from Madea. We acted them out on the phone - and where I stopped, he picked up and where he stopped I picked up - we laughed for a good hour doing those damn scenes. Ahhh...

Basking in my happiness,

The ChurchBoy


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